Sexual Assault Survivors Support

you are both stuck.

I'm not saying that if you forgive yourself, it will all get better for him. But, you MUST forgive yourself. That is VERY important for him, too.

You and he are in this dysfunctional relationship. Something bad happened to him. Maybe many bad things happened. He blames you. You are accepting the guilt and blame and --so, he gives you more.

You have to unstick YOURSELF from this - does that make sense? Our job - all of us - is to find a path in life. Sometimes that involves a bit of work. Active healing. YOU must do this first. Then he will see what you have done. That big finger of guilt that he has spent his life pointing at others - and you - well. He'll be left with is own anger and accusations. And when he looks to you he will see a mother that has healed - has learned to actively heal herself.

That's the example you can set for him.

As long as you accept his blame and guilt - he's as stuck as you are. Set the example. See a therapist. Go to a group. Find solidarity with others who have healed.

Much love to you this new year.