These gains are largely to the credit of the feminist movement, including the activists who shook up our assumptions about appropriate gender roles, the women who encouraged men to participate more fully in the home and the men who chose to be more active fathers and partners. Many men joined with feminist activists to promote policies like parental leave for both fathers and mothers and worked in their communities to combat violence against women and children.

But there is a small and increasingly influential group of men who want to walk these gains back, and take increased gender equality and progress in combating domestic violence along with them.

But the kernel of a point that FRAs have — that men are often involved and loving fathers, a fact that should be reflected in custody arrangements instead of just assuming that Mom is the best parent — is unfortunately buried beneath a pile of misogyny, entitlement, self-righteousness and manipulation of the facts. FRAs have a few hobby horses: The supposedly feminist legal system, false domestic violence accusations and false sexual abuse accusations. Their take on all three makes clear why courts may be hesitant to grant these specific guys custody of their kids. And it does seem to be these specific guys who have trouble getting custody arrangements they are happy with.

And it is actually men who have largely benefited from policies combating domestic violence and supporting survivors: The rate at which women kill their intimate partners has decreased by nearly 50 percent (PDF) since 1993, partly attributable to the fact that abused women, rather than feeling trapped and resorting to self-defensive killing, have more resources to leave their situation.

That VAWA and other anti-violence initiatives have actually saved men’s lives is just one aspect of the FRA paradox: They claim to support the rights of fathers and fight back against feminism, but it is actually feminists and their male allies who have secured the greatest gains for dads.