I am a lousy Buddhist and sometimes I hate meditation. [View all]

I also couldn't get through without it.

I took refuge vows almost 22 years ago and then bodhisattva vows a year or so after that at Karme Choling.

I used to be a runner and I mostly hated the getting ready to run and the first few minutes of running- and too often I never found the rhythm and grace of it. That's how I feel about meditating. I do it, some days for only 15 minutes, other days for much longer.

some days when I ran though, man they were great. I'd lope across down the field and through the woods down to the road and then loop back up the road to home.

I've been meditating for hours every day for the last couple of weeks. It's been hard and good and sucky and just what it is.

I wish I could do a dathun- a month long retreat again. That is a revelatory experience.