Because I don't want to imply you are doing anything wrong or are a bad person in any way.
In my program of recovery I have found that most of the negativity in my life occurs when I am too focused on myself and on my own "needs" or fears. Part of my daily work of meditation is a set of disciplines which keep me "out of myself," which is to say, keeps my mind focused on the mindset that I am not the center of the universe. I do not spend the day examining how I am feeling, which I call "taking my emotional temperature," but rather focused on what I might find to do, big or small and mostly small these days, to enrich the lives of others.
There was a phrase in one of my readings that said "This is the point at which we begin to turn outward from self, toward God and toward others." That resonated with me and I use part of it in meditation, "outward from self and toward others." It feels very liberating to me, and makes my mood lighter.
Part of the result of that is that I don't tend to focus on how others treat me, or even notice what they do or don't do to or for me, except to appreciate them when they do something nice. I know that sounds sort of "rose colored glasses," but I can assure you that after 35 years of practicing it, it works.
As a small example, I was in a grocery store when the checkout lines were long. They opened a new line and there was a melee to get to the new line. A couple of middle aged women shoved past this one guy, maybe my age (75), literally banging his basket and physically shoving him aside to get in front of him. I wound up right behind him and noticed that he looked a bit upset. Not really angry, but agitated. I moved close to him and said quietly, "For what it's worth, it's my experience that people who do that kind of thing are not happy people. I'd rather be me than them." He smiled and agreed, and as we stood in line I was watching a different person. He was relaxed and chatted cheerfully with the checkout person. Made my day.
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