Writing

Try reading it aloud to yourself. You will be able to hear when the sentence isn't complete, or is too long. And shorter paragraphs.

Editing out stuff is always the hard part, you have so much to say, but sometimes so much can divert the reader too far from your point.

I heard your voice though, which should always be a writer's first quality, imho.
Keep at it, try some exercises from writing textbooks and you will get better.

I say this as a voracious reader who can't write worth squat.