Can you please help me remember this great parenting book from 2 or 3 decades ago? [View all]

I want to suggest it for a young couple who have a 4 year old who seems to be a handful lately -- but I think part of it is the dad's very strong reaction. Also, the child needs more time to transition than the Dad is comfortable with, so then things escalate with yelling and threats of consequences (like taking away things.)

The book talks about a parent's "baby self" vs. their "adult self" -- I think. And how when a child acts in his "baby self," it is very tempting, but not helpful, to respond with the parents' own "baby self." And it gives lots of examples, with words, of what an adult self response would be, versus a baby self response.

Does this sound familiar to any older parents out there?

On edit: Brazelton's books were good for me understanding my kids' developmental steps. But the book I have in mind was full of concrete advice and examples of "how to." I'm wondering if it could have been one of Adele Farber's books, like "How to Talk so Kids will listen and listen so kids will talk." But I'm not seeing enough in the reviews to know if it's the one I have in mind.