Huge hurdle coming up, and I'm worried... [View all]

As the coming semester comes barrelling down on me, about a week left, I find myself more and more worried. I've been depressed and moody of late and I'm pretty sure the reason is school coming up. Despite all the positive changes I've made and the progress I've seen I don't really know if it will be enough. To be honest a large part of me doesn't want to face this and just wants to hide away. It's childish and unrealistic but it's me. Last year was the first time I managed to complete a full year of university, but even then I had to drop 2 courses at the end. I have such a long history of burning my bridges with school, dropped out of SFU at least 4 times. I haven't solved my perfectionism and I've only made some small inroads at socializing better. When I talked to my current psychiatrist a few weeks back I can remember him saying specifically "I can't promise you I can save this semester for you", since he said it would take some time to get to the heart of issues and really start getting better. But I don't know if I could handle yet another failed term. *sigh* I guess I have to just take the plunge and see.

I've been obsessively doing long walks around the city to try to make myself feel better. It's working but the fact that I have to do them almost every day or else I feel bad is a sign. Did 20 km yesterday and 25km today which is a record. The camping trip I did was a big success. Lost a lot of weight which is good, these are all positives. I guess I should count the progress I've made.