Not sure why the ups and downs (NOT a rant). [View all]

I am really puzzled as to why I'm having such ups and downs. Ok, I am willing to concede it could be a symptom, but I highly doubt it. To me it seems like just a flood of emotion coming out during a very stressful time. I am entitled to that -- people going through traumatic events, such as having a terminally ill relative, or in the middle of a messy divorce, often behave this way, and it doesn't mean they are mentally ill, it just means they are human, and need some reassurance and support at a bad time in their lives.

I do want the roller coaster of emotion to stop. No denying that.

It strikes me as very odd that mental illness is the only category of disease for which our medical and legal system allow, and even condone, forceable treatment and incarceration of patients against their will. No one does this to cardiac patients, pulling them from their homes and lives and forcing them into quadruple bypass surgery if they fail to eat right or exercise properly or stop smoking. So, why are we as a group singled out, not only for involuntary treatment, but also involuntary detention and the subsequent maltreatment from the greater society? It seems so unjust to me.

I had a very good day yesterday, nice long ride to and from my training session, clear progress being made there, then came home and got a lot done. No one is going to tell me it was mania or psychosis or whatever label anyone wants to put on it, I was doing the same things millions of other people in this country did yesterday, some play, some chores, all good.

Never again am I going to be so weak and vulnerable that I allow some event, big like my experience with psych. #1, or small like the comment of the nurse, to crush me emotionally and force me into doing something against my will. I don't need a parole officer or nanny. I'm a big boy, no, I'm a grown man, and can take care of myself.

Final thought, I was thinking of all of this, the good and bad, and I realized one good thing coming out of this train wreck is the fact I can see in myself that my problems are far from insolvable. Thinking about the people I was put in with at the hospital, I realized it was like triage after the crash of a passenger jet. So many severely wounded people, severed limbs, massive head injuries, sever burns, and I was walking among them with my wounds, a sprained wrist and a one inch gash on my forehead, and despite the wounds and the trauma of it all, I was helping them. Which I really tried to do at the hospital, of course I had bad times, but I was also the cheerleader and coach trying to make them, and myself, feel better.