Mental Health Support
Showing Original Post only (View all)Glad I don't have much longer. (POSSIBLE TRIGGER) [View all]
My country has failed me. I never asked for much of anything. But, it seems that even my small requests were too much for a country that is trying so desperately to win a contest that does not exist.
I did my time in the military. Means nothing. I was always the first person to run towards the scene of an accident. Means nothing. I never did anything to ostracize anyone and tried my best to be a decent person. It all means nothing. I said for decades that the only way to get ahead in the US was to be a soulless animal. Wednesday proved me right in a most spectacular way. I also said that I will certainly fail because I am not a soulless animal. I guess I am in a tiny minority.
Now (meaning the last ten years or so), I am physically falling apart. Now, I am mentally becoming much worse. Now, I am emotionally empty and have no spark of life or even a tiny flicker. Now, I want to avoid the pain and suffering that is inevitable for those like me. I have always said that, although I desperately want to pass on, I lack the courage to take that level of control in my miserable life.
Wednesday just might finally be the catalyst that I need. I could already see the writing on the wall. People like me are an anachronism and it seems even our knowledge is not welcome or desired. So, we have noting but a slow, tortuous descent into the end to look forward to. I always said that I would not just mark time in my existence on this earth... now, thanks to failing at life and failing at health, I can doing nothing else but.
Why was I even allowed to exist in the first place if this was to be the result? How can anyone believe in a deity when we live in such a time and with such heartless and cruel human beings? How can we believe in the principles of our founding document when we live in a society that obviously could care less about justice, equality, the general welfare, etc.?
Why bother?
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