Mental Health Support

I've been cleaning up my messes and leaving his, but either he is confused or he's gaslighting me.

My Grandma used to have such clear intention of doing something that she thought she had already done it.

I cleaned up my mess and left his several nights in a row and cleaned his up in front of him in order to set the table for the whole of last week. The stuff he left on the other table I left for 3 days straight.

When I told him tonight that if I didn't get some help in making simple routines for us to function that I would probably wind up killing myself because I have spent more hours talking myself off a ledge in this last year and these last few months than I have for the rest of my life, he wondered why I felt that way. I've BEEN asking for his help and keep getting push back and sideways behaviors.

He assured me today that HE DOES pick up after himself consistently according to him.... but not lately. And his having all his stuff everywhere so I can't make things work was in evidence because I DID leave it out and got his attention and "permission" to establish the dinner table as a tech free area only for our food.

He acted like it was ME that left my stuff at the table and I have been putting mine away pretty much as soon as dinner is done.

I'm going to buy post it notes and we can leave them out so each of us can ask for help without making a big deal about it. Also it goes to proof/evidence that someone asked and someone complied.... or didn't.

Things are somewhat clean tonight. He did trash and recycling. I did dishes, cleared the dining room/living room and did laundry.

I'm going to ask him to set the table tomorrow and initiate us BOTH taking our plates to the kitchen. If we do it at the same time and it becomes a routine then he will likely remember it correctly.

IDK his Mom is in her 80's and having delusions from some of the pain meds they gave her.

Life is what's happening while we're making other plans. So we will see. But I do feel he's finally taking me seriously.