Mental Health Support

I have suffered from anxiety for decades. I tried to talk to my mom about it but she was the sort who didn't believe in psychological intervention. Instead she bought me a tennis racket. Don't ask because that still confuses me.

The attacks can be triggered by bad things or unexpected good things. Surprise me with something good and I'll start to cry. Deep down inside I probably feel like I don't deserve the kindness. My grandfather did the same thing. (He died before I was born but I share a number of his behaviors and quirks.)

I learned how to suppress things to avoid being chided, and it worked for a while. Unfortunately, a lot of stuff built up and that caused other issues. There are times that the anxiety is so bad that I can't even eat because I know I will just vomit the food back up. Because of that, I don't like going out to eat since I worry about a trigger.

Sometimes I wonder if, during my therapy sessions, I'm putting on a false face, just out of habit. When I get home from these sessions I always feel exhausted and fall asleep.

The APN I was seeing saw through me, immediately, and prescribed Ativan. The new one who replaced her is not so understanding. I go see her on June 7 and HOPEFULLY she will renew my prescription. I'm not using it every day but there are times I don't use it when I should because I'm worried I'll run out and something even more triggering will happen.

Life can be exhausting.