PLEASE Help! I got back from appt, Not what I was expecting. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. [View all]

Seems my Judgement, if this is Judgement day for me, is not what I expected. Like the Seinfeld line from the episode 'The Junior Mint', "Prognosis negative!"

I was prepared to deal with depression as a diagnosis. Maybe with a twist of anxiety and a dash of paranoia. And a smattering of other things thrown in.

This doctor seems to think I'm bipolar.

And her recommendation is that I be admitted either for a 3 day or some kind of day program for 2 weeks.

Which leads me to conclude only one thing. My life as I've known it, such as it is, is effectively over.

There is no glossing over that one to anyone. There is no finessing the situation into something else. Lying never works for me anyway to speak of, sure I could try to tell at least some people in my life I needed something done along the cardiac lines, they would believe it, but all of them.

I will definitely lose my job. It's not a "just pack up and leave" kind of job. The work has to be done, he will have to get someone to replace me.

My family is going to disown me. I can see that coming. This will be viewed as a moral failure, probably a "punishment from God for your sins" type of situation. They most likely will kick me out of the family. I guess that is Karma for the way I rejected my gay friend from college after he came out to me.

The larger society will forever stigmatize me as they do everyone with mental illness. I will never be able to get a job again. I won't be able to support myself.

I'm not going to be able to afford this. I'm going to have to blow through what little money I have to pay for it, not a clue what my crap insurance will cover, probably none of it. I already have "regular" debt to pay off, I was trying to get that down. Oh well, say hello to bankruptcy hell.

There is no social safety net in this country, so I'm screwed there. No job, no income, no assistance of any kind.

I guess I really DO need to start gathering newspapers to cover myself in the alley.

It is logistically impossible to do what this doctor wants. I don't have space in my life for this. And she isn't really willing to consider anything outpatient. Her opinion was that I needed to be "stabilized".

I tried to be as honest as possible, and given how I am, no doubt went overboard and gave too much detail. Which was used against me in a manner.

Not that I think she's wrong, it's probably quite possible, indeed likely, that I am bipolar. And now I am ashamed that I am following in my insane father's footsteps. I guess what happens in RNA and DNA isn't my fault. But I feel like I am him now, and he was everything I hate.

So I'm home alone right now, which is rare, and I turned to DU first for any guidance you can offer me.

But basically I really screwed the pooch on this one. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut and let the storm blow over if it would have. But it probably wouldn't.

Well, President Obama's slogan is "Forward". I guess all I can do is move forward and let the chips fall where they may. I'm always saying I am treated like a teenager, and act like a teenager, I guess I'll have to "man up" to this one. If I don't, this doctor is going to do it for me, probably.