when i was in art school, i had a prof that made at least one student cry per semester. he was dismissive, ridiculed people, was unable to remember names, arrogant head in the clouds bastard. and an ass pincher to boot. all his student thought he saw them as worms to be stepped on.
i was stunned one day when he pulled me and a cart full of my work into a 101 class, and told them that i had taken the first big steps to becoming an artist, and had done something real. a week later when i fired the stuff, and had an epic disaster, all he had to say was- don't forget to clean that all up. i cried while i swept.
by a series of coincidences, 20+ years later, i got to know his partner, a very nice lady that loved him for some reason. she reported back to him that she had met me, and then replied that he remembered the whole gang of us very fondly. huh?
she told me- everyone thinks he is a mean jerk, but really, he just has no social skills at all. i got to know him, and it really is true. he is a marshmallow inside. he is just bruised up and scarred like us all, and doesn't know how to make the connections he would like to have.
my opinion of him took a 180. but more important, i learned that how someone looks at you is about equal parts them and you. they see you through their own self.
so, perhaps your mother looks at you and sees failure, but perhaps it is her own failings that she sees.
even for people "in their right mind" whatever the hell that is, perception is complicated. and family is complicated.
i urge you to do what you can to share your feelings with your family. you will never know if you don't. (of course, they, in turn, will give you answers colored by their perceptions, but...)
best of luck. and don't be embarrassed.
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