Mental Health Support

As if the whole idea of a new "home" for Mom wasn't hard enough, we suddenly had Covid to deal with and worry about... and because of the home's warrior intent to keep their clients safe, we never got an orientation. But Mom had already been in an Assisted Living Facility, which is how we learned that there are varying types of homes, and Mom was way past the care they could give her in Assisted Living. What made it really hard is Mom could be downright mean and ugly at times. Assisted Living just wasn't able to deal with that and her dementia.

This home is less than what I'd wished for, but it is comfy and homey. It's farther from me than I'd like, but Sis and my daughter take me out to see her regularly. Also, I always make arrangements for Mom to come home to us over holidays and spend an extended time here (had her for 2 weeks at Xmas). It's hard to see her go back, but I know she's where they can take care of her. After I stopped beating myself up for not being able to do it myself, I was able to see the good they were doing with her.

We had an "oh, shit, we have to make changes" moment here before looking for homes. Mom had spent 2 years with us. I fight fibromyalgia and lupus and weight about 100 pounds. Mom's nearly twice as big as I am, and she always kept finding a way down to the floor. I was terrified she was going to end up really hurting herself. Didn't help that, for the life of us, hubby and I couldn't get her back on her feet upright. But reality hit me between the eyes when she looked at my husband and asked quietly who that man was... and I could tell from her eyes she no longer recognized my husband.

It's not the way I'd planned for her "golden years" to end up being, believe me. I had fully intended for her to live here with us, and hubby graciously and lovingly helped me and agreed with whatever I thought was best. Dementia deprived me and Mom of a lot of things I'd hoped we'd be able to do once we both were retired. But, that's just the way life goes, I guess... I'm like you, tho... I'm not going to put my daughter thru this. I'll find some other way to live (or not) when I get to that point. I'm hopeful by then maybe they'll actually have meds or treatment for dementia that will really help. Meantime, I stopped beating myself up over Mom, accepted that there are some things I just cannot change, no matter how good my intentions, and started working on keeping more of my own brain power. With hubby's memory being not so good anymore, I need all of mine I can hang on to!

You done good, Glam... and after a transition period, you'll see that the homes can work absolute wonders with their clients. Homes these days are not necessarily just warehouses any longer. With luck, she'll make new friends and have a good life of her own that even you might not have been able to give her. And doing it on her own will give her a sense of accomplishment that in the days of dementia become few and far between. Blessings to you and your family.