Addiction & Recovery

1 - I am in my 40s and want to look like a 40something, not a 50something

2 - There is NO rush like that of an endorphin rush

3 - There is nothing like hitting "the zone" when the right music is playing

3 - Lots of cool visiual

4 - I want to rebuild the muscles I lost during the "lost weekend*"






* Before the lost weekend I was 190, pure muscle, no fat, and 39. Because of back problems, the doc prescribed Oxy and Morphine. Eventually I was up to 30mg x 3 of morphine and literally a slug. Was laid off, so added alcohol to that mix. That went on for about six months, and I was feeling that death would be a pleasant experience. At that point an alarm went off in my head and said "WHOA!!!!" So I got off the morph and oxy. Even stepping down, that sucked. I stayed with the alcohol. That lasted until a week ago where I was drinking my favorite drink, JW Black, feeling sorry for myself, and I thought "I don't enjoy this." So the next day I quit, cold turkey. Wow, not as easy as Sandra Bullock or Jack Lemmon made it appear to be. Doc puts me on Atavan, but I know I have to get off this shit soon too. Just when, is the question.

I want that ALIVE feeling again. That feeling where you step out of the gym and truly feel your own body working for you and not against you.