The DU Lounge

Then, there is a problem, because that is the one thing I desperately need right now.



These days, I don't see any reason to 'pull through'. That is the problem. I have nothing left to give. I had my shot (pitiful as it was, I guess) and I failed. I don't see any reason to keep on failing and making other lives more troublesome because of my presence. I don't see that anything I have ever done has meant anything. Certainly the things that I find very important in my life as well as other lives don't seem to have any value to anyone else. Sure, things pass. But they just pass into more bad things when I am around.

How many times does one have to crash into a wall before they realize they need to stop trying to drive the vehicle?

Well, I agree, but then again I did not create the society where having money and a better car does make things alright. Unfortunately, that is the society that we live in. You are correct in saying that I am the one that has to make me alright. But, I don't feel any desire in that way. I don't see any reason to. That is why I say what I say at the top. I need some proof that my existence did something... anything... worthwhile. Not in the 'fame and fortune' sense, but in the 'made the world a better place' sense.

Yes, it is a beautiful world. I just don't see anything that I have done has added to said beauty. I was certainly trying to. Hell, as a performer, that is pretty much what we are called to do. But, I failed.

And, that fact has destroyed my soul.