The DU Lounge

Grieve the loss of your friendship. Your friend is dependent on alcohol. he is sick and needs the alcohol more than he needs or wants anything else. He isn't your friend. He looks like your friend, sounds like your friend, but he is a shell of the person he was.

My husband had a friend who was an alcoholic. He stopped a few times when our friendship was intact. He told me that the can of beer was his friend, like a little buddy he could count on. Even though he had a beautiful wife, 2 healthy sons, and all of us who were friends. His wife had a job and would get up early to go to work, so she didn't want his friends coming over and staying late. So we all hung out at our house. He loved classic cars and had a cherry red 1966 Chevy that he loved the most of the cars he owned. He was out driving around drinking and wrecked, totaled, the car. He was pretty banged up. My husband and I went over to his house to see him. He wouldn't see us. his wife told us that he said that if we only cared enough to come to his house when he was injured, we didn't need to come at all. This is spite of trying to be respectful of his wife's preferences. That was the last time we had communication with him, probably 1988. He died last year. This was the guy who loaned us the down payment to buy our first house, who was funny, who was a master mechanic. My husband was hurt by the rebuff and I imagine our friend didn't know how to make up. That was a 17 year friendship.

One of the people close to me, someone I've known since childhood, is a high functioning substance abuser. They recently had surgery and were treated for cancer, but continue to drink, smoke marijuana and tobacco. Has been trying to quit smoking tobacco for 2 years. Doesn't mention quitting pot. Just as their sister did, I worry about them. If their sister couldn't say the things they took to heart if the cancer didn't alarm them, I have nothing to say. I think that they are trying to assure me that they're trying, but I can see they aren't.

It's been a couple of days since your dog passed away. But if you're having trouble handling the loss, you should see someone. It might be that if you've gotten any new meds lately, they might be causing the uncontrollable crying. I vaguely remember reading something about crying as a side effect.

We're here for you.