I have so much on my mind, but I don't know how to express my thoughts... [View all]

I have a close woman friend. I'm actually friends with her husband and children as well. We took a shine to each other the first day we met 20 years ago, and our relationship blossomed.

My wife and I became very close to her family. As she and her husband had children, we also became close to her children. Her parents, as well as her extended family, took a shine to us as well. There's a whole lot to this story, but suffice to say that our families have always been there for each other.

I can't explain what a terrible time I am having right now with the death of my dog. I feel the worst that I have ever felt in my life. I can't leave the house because I can't stop sobbing. This sounds so ridiculous to me, and I'm at the point where I am considering to try to see if I can get some outpatient mental health support.

Here's what I want to say...I texted my friend about my dog's death, and asked her to please tell her kids and husband (they knew my dog) because I'm too stupid to do a group text without spending hours trying to figure it out without screwing it up.

Their son, in his late teens, sent me a long text back that looked like it was written by a best selling author, expressing true sorrow and support. His words hit me right in the heart. At the end of the text, he said "I love you, Lucky".

The words "I love you" have never been exchanged between either of our families, but the love has been shown without using words.

His words brought me to tears. How am I to understand how well these kids were raised? How am I to deal with a 19 year old being mature enough to say "I love you" to a man who is grieving. The sheer beauty of his words broke my heart in the best way possible.

In contrast to all of this, I lost my best friend of 60 years because I had a heart-to-heart with him about his alcoholism, and offered to help him recover from it. I offered to be his sponsor, and to give him whatever support he needed to beat it, because he told me that he wanted to quit drinking, but couldn't. I told him that I never judged him for it, that I loved him, and would do anything for him...and he told me to fuck off and never spoke to me again.

I was talking to my wife about this earlier, and how some people can be real motherfuckers, and on the other hand...you have a 19 year old man, who by rights, should not be all that wise and fully mature yet...but still has a better understanding of the world than a 64 year old man who is being offered sincere help and true continued friendship. A 19 year old man that relates to people better than a 64 year old man.

The dichotomy of how human beings can be is flummoxing me. I don't understand how people can be so loving, and how others can be so callous.

I can't wrap my head around why I am grieving so hard...and I feel immense shame for grieving a pet more than I grieve the death of humans.

Makes me feel like I'm either crazy, or a flawed human.

Thanks for reading this...because there is no one that I would feel safe enough with to say this to face-to-face.

You would think that a man pushing age 70 would understand things better, but I don't.