The DU Lounge

So, I do feel everything that you've written--intensely.

Having been more than 15 years (16 1/2 to be precise) since I lost my last sweet doggy girl, I was able to apply the denial that happy years with a loving dog provides. But, I do remember that 18 months of shear torture when, absolutely NOT ready to get another dog but only to grieve, I took very long walks on a isolated hiking/bike path when no one was around, listening to emotionally-charged music and screaming, crying, throwing things, or whatever else I felt inclined to do to "get it out." That I did it frequently for all those months shows it isn't easy nor miraculous, but it did help--ultimately. So that when I got the call from a local shelter that badly needed someone with herding dog experience to foster a rambunctious pup, I was prepared not to say "no." More than 15 years later from that "foster failure," here I am again.

One can prepare intellectually for such loss but emotionally? Hell no. So, I get where you are-- all too well. No platitudes from me. We all have to find our way through it. For me, though, knowing the pain I face only underscores how very important my current "pup" has been for me--as was my previous and all who came before. Our grief is our last tribute to them and all they brought to our lives.

May your pain decrease with time and be replaced by all those good memories. Perhaps then you will be able to feel the return of your dog's nudges and little licks to your face again and smile.