Beauty. Life. Death. Sadness. Joy. [View all]

I used to see a therapist. A handsome, little guy from India. Older than me. I haven't seen him in years. He's retired now.

We became friends over the years. He would phone me and ask me for advice on remodeling, etc. I did not charge him for my advice. He charged me for his though.

I used to make him laugh. Really laugh. He would giggle with delight and clap his hands when I made a wisecrack. I don't know if that is something native to his culture, or what, but it made me smile. Giggling, with really rapid hand clapping.

I specifically remember during one visit...I told him that I was concerned that I sometimes burst into tears when listening to music. He told me that he does the same, and he is concerned for men who can't cry. Apparently, there are a lot of men who can't cry, and that seems foreign to me.

When my best man toasted us at our wedding, he jokingly talked about my "passion", and those in attendance laughed and nodded. He was referring to "passion" in many senses...happiness, sadness, anger, kindness. He kind of made a big speech about it...causing me a bit of embarrassment and blushing. I rarely get embarrassed over anything these days.

I needed a good cry today, because yet another friend is on the way out. He's in ICU, and I don't think he is going to make it. He's younger than me, 61 or 62. He's been through the ringer. He's a neighbor too. He's a good guy, and I think my wife has a bit of a crush on him. We are doing what we can to help out his wife during this time. I don't want to post any details, but when I say he's been through the ringer...oh man. I was talking to him several months ago. His heart had stopped, and the paramedics were able to bring him back and get him to the hospital for treatment. When we were talking, he told me not to be afraid of death, because it is beautiful.

I couldn't get the tears to flow today...I'm kind of shut down. So I played some Chopin. This did the trick.

When people around your age start checking out for good, it makes you ponder your own mortality. And it makes you wonder how the years flew by so quickly.

I'm sorry for the rambling. I know I'm rambling, because I have no fucking idea what to post anymore.

Have a listen if you like. This might move you to tears, or it might make you happy. Or maybe it won't make you feel anything. But it brings tears to me. I'll likely be in and out of here occasionally. Probably.

I hope you all are well.