The DU Lounge

... is brine-cured, and comes as a full loin with a coating of pea meal, I think, though it might be corn meal. I haven't had it in quite a while, but the taste is heavenly. For some idiotic reason, you can't get the real thing down here; they'll confiscate it if you're caught trying to bring it into this country, but it has been done, heh, heh, heh. And I believe it's harder to find north of the border now, too, because it's expensive to make. What you get down here is a poor imitation of the real thing. It is pork loin, but the curing process is a standard industrial procedure.
And that woman should definitely NOT be allowed to roam around without adult supervision; she's dumber than a bag of hammers, but that's what happens when cousins marry. Gotta love Floriduh.

On edit: It has been reported that this story was satirical, but the sad thing is that it's entirely plausible; there really are people with room-temperature IQs running around loose. I've encountered them more than once, and don't too close to one; such a virulent strain of stupid is probably contagious. They all voted for Trump.

The part about authentic Canadian bacon is real; the rest is