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debm55

(54,124 posts)
Sun Nov 30, 2025, 09:44 PM Nov 30

I need some help with a problem. As some of you know, my family was/is terrible abusive to me. Physical, emotional, and [View all]

sexual abuse were the norm in my family. I was punched, had broken hands, black eyes. My father aimed a hunting rifle at my head and

told me that he was going to blow my brains out because my siblings wouldn't be quite and told him to leave it be. I was a pimple faced

_hore constantly by my brother as he straddled me punching the shit out of me as my mother closed the windows so the neighbors

wouldn't hear, that when I got punched in the breasts. My parents sat in the dining room and watched. I had my baby teeth knocked out

by my mother and kicked across the kitchen floor at my grandmother's home. I stayed at my grandmother's every Saturday as she lived

across the street of the church and while giving me a bath, she would wash in a place that she shouldn't. I thought it was normal-that is

how they do it in the old county. I never said anything until 45 years later. My mother said "And" I pay my way through college and for

my wedding through scholarships and loans. I was smart. I ranked 30th out of a class of 700, I saw doctors for infections, was seen

by teachers with black eyes and bruises. Never told I was loved. or pretty or smart or talented. I was taught to obey my parents. When I

found out I was infertile my mother said God punished me. I adopted a baby-they called him a _astard. There were are no pictures of

me, my husband or my child.in their home. I could go on about the personal abuse. When my husband found out he had

Malignant Cancer last summer , I was told that "Everyone dies, get over it. No cards, calls or fruit for Rich. This was after we

spent an entire month driving my sister From Westmoreland County to Pittsburgh. I could go on about the abuse, there was way

more. Instead of setting money away for my brother and sister who live at home, It was spend spent at the slot machines. My

mother and sister still claims she has uterine cancer, even though she had a hysterectomy. She was Fired in July as a nurses aid and

I am expected to pay for house bills as my sister and mother refuse to take aid from the government. ==SSI Medical, Snap. as it is

my responsibilitty as the Bible says to care for your siblings. Rich called this evening and said he would help with the SS portal. My

mother said no, Debbie will care of them. I am sick. I just finished crying. My husband is here, so not to worry But the pain that those

remaining three gave me is far more then I state here. Thank you for reading through this, I am sorry but I am confused, bitter and so

tired of it all. Sorry this is so long. Love you all.Deb.

203 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
;-( elleng Nov 30 #1
Thank you , elleng. debm55 Nov 30 #11
Stop punishing yourself Figarosmom Nov 30 #2
After what happened with my husband with his cancer. I have cut of all ties. However, Friday was his birthday and she debm55 Nov 30 #12
Figarosmom is right. Take care of yourself and your husband. Polly Hennessey Nov 30 #23
---------- debm55 Dec 1 #80
Yeah, you shouldn't have answered. Figarosmom Nov 30 #24
Good idea. Ty debm55 Dec 1 #82
Change your phone number, Deb. SheltieLover Dec 1 #44
-------- debm55 Dec 1 #81
You can block specific phone numbers. Do it fargone Dec 1 #161
Thank you for your help and kindness, fargone. debm55 Dec 1 #162
What you said MustLoveBeagles Dec 1 #74
You are a sweetheart of a human being deb FullySupportDems Nov 30 #3
Thank you FullySupportDems. debm55 Nov 30 #13
Ty your very much for your advice. debm55 Dec 1 #83
Ty ------ debm55 Dec 1 #84
deb, you have endured far more abuse than any human being ever should! True Dough Nov 30 #4
I am going to call my therapist tomorrow. debm55 Nov 30 #16
Ty my friend. debm55 Dec 1 #85
Your story is not too long, Deb. Permanut Nov 30 #5
Thank you my friend. debm55 Dec 1 #86
THIS! electric_blue68 Dec 1 #125
Blood is not thicker than water. You are under no obligation to do a damn thing for those toxic people Ocelot II Nov 30 #6
I want to second that FullySupportDems Nov 30 #7
I wish I could rec this a couple of thousand times. fierywoman Dec 1 #46
I third this! (n/t) OldBaldy1701E Dec 1 #75
Agreed! Excise the malignant ones from your life, Deb SheltieLover Dec 1 #47
Ty SheltieLover. debm55 Dec 1 #106
Yeah, but it comes in handy if you're desperate for a transfusion Warpy Dec 1 #60
Thank you so much Ocelot II debm55 Dec 1 #88
Thank you very much Ocelot II debm55 Dec 1 #117
I agree with Ocelot... sheshe2 Nov 30 #8
Ty so much sheshe2. debm55 Dec 1 #118
Dear Deb - You are loved. I love you. Your DU family loves you. You are not alone. Grim Chieftain Nov 30 #9
Absolutely beautifully put. fierywoman Dec 1 #49
Thank you Grim Chieftain Dec 1 #70
Thank you very much my friend.. debm55 Dec 1 #95
Always here for you, dear Deb Grim Chieftain Dec 1 #97
You put in words what we are all feeling Bluestocking Dec 1 #104
OMG HoosierDebbie Nov 30 #10
Thank you HoosierDebbie. I have just taken my meds. debm55 Nov 30 #14
Dearest Debbie, I've suggested to you several times Niagara Nov 30 #15
But Niagara, I want them to say they are sorry. I want my mother to say she loves me. JC I am70 years old and married debm55 Nov 30 #22
I can understand that you want that BlueSpot Nov 30 #28
TY BlueSpot. debm55 Dec 1 #109
Sadly, you just have to accept the fact that that will never happen. Ocelot II Nov 30 #29
Agree, I talked to my therapist today. Thank you, Ocelot II debm55 Dec 1 #121
They're abusers. If you're 70 now, you're never going to get an apology Niagara Nov 30 #30
I don't know you but people here know you as a good person annielion Nov 30 #36
TY annielion. for your sweet words and welcome to DU debm55 Dec 1 #119
It isn't going to happen. They don't love you, they never will be sorry. niyad Dec 1 #56
TY niyad. I feel better today. I found some nuts , branches and leaves to make a spirit doll for myself. debm55 Dec 1 #120
hugggggs. Excellent!!! niyad Dec 1 #142
Dearest Deb, I viscerally feel your longing for your mother to say she loves you and how sorry they are. summer_in_TX Dec 1 #61
That is beautiful, summer_in_TX, Bless you, deb. debm55 Dec 1 #124
I have a young friend who suffered much abuse as a child and young woman. summer_in_TX Tuesday #168
Oh, ty, summer_in_TX debm55 Tuesday #172
You're welcome, Deb. summer_in_TX Tuesday #192
I think you know that is never going to happen. GET AWAY FROM THEM NOW. FOREVER. COMPLETELY. SaydiTom Dec 1 #62
Thank you SaydiTom debm55 Dec 1 #126
TY Niagara. debm55 Dec 1 #108
Yw Debbie Niagara Tuesday #169
I am sorry... hlthe2b Nov 30 #17
TY very much hlthe2b. debm55 Dec 1 #123
END ALL CONTACT WITH AND SUPPORT OF THEM IMMEDIATELY SaydiTom Nov 30 #18
Thank you SaydiTom. debm55 Dec 1 #127
I'm so sorry cate94 Nov 30 #19
Thank you very much , cate94 debm55 Dec 1 #128
I'm so sorry, Deb. arkielib Nov 30 #20
Thank you my friend. debm55 Dec 1 #129
I am so sorry, Deb. . . Stargleamer Nov 30 #21
Thank you. Stargleamer. debm55 Dec 1 #130
Deb, cut ALL TIES WITH THEM some_of_us_are_sane Nov 30 #25
Thank you so muchm my friend. debm55 Dec 1 #131
My God I am so sorry Diamond_Dog Nov 30 #26
Thank you very much, Diamond_Dog debm55 Dec 1 #133
Stop punishing yourself, Deb Jilly_in_VA Nov 30 #27
Thank you very much Jilly_in_VA Love you friend. debm55 Dec 1 #135
I'm so sorry. markodochartaigh Nov 30 #31
I do and I am glad you all are my friends. debm55 Dec 1 #136
The Bible does NOT say your family has to ignore government funds available to them. pnwmom Nov 30 #32
Thank you very much, pnwmom. debm55 Dec 1 #137
Everyone here is wishing you all the best! pnwmom Dec 1 #165
We all want and need to be loved and you have that with your husband and son..give them all you've got Deuxcents Nov 30 #33
Thank you my friend.Deuxcents. debm55 Dec 1 #138
They made their choices KT2000 Nov 30 #34
Thank you, my friend KT2000 debm55 Dec 1 #140
Their expectations Mz Pip Nov 30 #35
Thank you very much, Mz Pip debm55 Dec 1 #145
Not too long. Dear_Prudence Nov 30 #37
Thank you very much, Dear_Prudence. debm55 Dec 1 #148
You are strong, i have terrible advice Shellback Squid Nov 30 #38
What is your advice? Shellback Squid? debm55 Dec 1 #150
toxic relationships are to be avoided, friends and even family Shellback Squid Dec 1 #155
Thank you my friend. debm55 Dec 1 #158
Please stage left Nov 30 #39
Thank you very much stage left. I talked to my therapist today and we are going to work on that. debm55 Dec 1 #151
... progressoid Nov 30 #40
You said it best too, my friend progressoid. Love, deb. debm55 Dec 1 #159
So sorry, Deb. You bring a lot of caring and light to everyone here. Knowing this makes it even more Gaugamela Nov 30 #41
Thank you, Gaugamela. debm55 Tuesday #171
I am so sorry deb. You always present a sunny image on these pages, showing so much courage question everything Dec 1 #42
Ty for your loving words. questioneverthing debm55 Tuesday #173
The Bible Does NOT say to put up with Abuse and Cruelty. Radical Lutheran Dec 1 #43
Thank you very much for your post. Bless you, Radical Lutheran. Love .deb debm55 Tuesday #174
Deb, with all my heart I wish I could give you a warm motherly hug. And while giving you Joinfortmill Dec 1 #45
TY Joinfortmill. I wish you were too. debm55 Tuesday #175
I wish I could crawl into the computer wires, go to you and give you a hug. 3Hotdogs Dec 1 #48
Oh! This times 10,000 times! fierywoman Dec 1 #51
Thank you my friend.3Hotdogs. debm55 Tuesday #176
You don't owe your family anything iemanja Dec 1 #50
Thank you for your words of wisdom. lemanja debm55 Tuesday #177
I also suffered abuse from family, though nothing as severe as you did. Trueblue Texan Dec 1 #52
Oh Trueblue Texan. You have been there. Your words lift me up. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Love, debbie debm55 Tuesday #178
And we love you. Tell those fucking, monstrous parasites to go to hell. niyad Dec 1 #53
Thank you , my friend. Niyad. debm55 Tuesday #183
I Am So Sorry You Had to Go Through All of This The Roux Comes First Dec 1 #54
Thank you very much, The Roux Comes First. debm55 Tuesday #184
They will never change. Cut off all contact and take of yourself. You owe them nothing. camartinwv Dec 1 #55
Thank you, camartinwv. debm55 Tuesday #185
Walked in your shoes. MetaphysicalMama Dec 1 #57
Thank you, MetaphsicalMama.Love you, Debbie. debm55 Dec 1 #115
Step away from the abuse, and start one step at a time. Remember you must take care of yourself, before you can care SWBTATTReg Dec 1 #58
Thank you very much , my friend for your kind words debm55 Tuesday #186
So they won't take money from the government soldierant Dec 1 #59
They don't want to be seen as "poor" I have told them many years ago about Access(the van) Snap, and other government debm55 Tuesday #188
Everyone here loves you, Deb, and this is a tough room JoseBalow Dec 1 #63
Thank you very much , JoseBalow. Bless you my friend. debm55 Tuesday #187
Oh dearest Deb, I had no idea of the horrors you have endured. My heart is aching for you. You are the sweetest heart KitFox Dec 1 #64
Thank you for your sweet post, My friend, KitFox, debm55 Dec 1 #134
Hugs Deb. Duncanpup Dec 1 #65
Thank you Duncanpup, debm55 Dec 1 #122
Sounds like PTSD. Hope you look at DU as multigraincracker Dec 1 #66
TY very much , multigraincracker debm55 Dec 1 #116
You're not alone. Mike Nelson Dec 1 #67
TY Mike Nelson debm55 Dec 1 #101
Break free from your birth family. Sanity Claws Dec 1 #68
TY very much, Sanity Claws. debm55 Dec 1 #99
These people SHOULD BE IN JAIL! justaprogressive Dec 1 #69
My husband called earlier and told my sister he would take her to the Senior Center. If you she does't go, she is on her debm55 Dec 1 #98
Well done. justaprogressive Dec 1 #100
TY debm55 Dec 1 #102
Thank you justaprogressive. My friend. debm55 Dec 1 #132
Thinking of you this morning, Deb and hoping you could get some sleep last night. Always remember you have a load of KitFox Dec 1 #71
I didn't get any sleep, but I feel better now. TY KitFox. debm55 Dec 1 #96
Deb, you are so loved here, at the DU. lucca18 Dec 1 #72
Thank you , lucca18 debm55 Dec 1 #93
OMG 😮 MustLoveBeagles Dec 1 #73
TY very much, debm55 Dec 1 #92
Back at ya MustLoveBeagles Dec 1 #94
HUGS to you, wonderful Deb! OldBaldy1701E Dec 1 #76
Thank you very much. debm55 Dec 1 #91
The Heck With Them ProfessorGAC Dec 1 #77
Thank you my friend. debm55 Dec 1 #90
Please take care of yourself Sea A Chell Dec 1 #78
Thank you , Sea A Chell. debm55 Dec 1 #89
Good lord - cut all ties with these people immediately! Life isn't supposed to be torture and that's what they've made Vinca Dec 1 #79
Thank you my friend, debm55 Dec 1 #87
Every word of this hurts my heart. pandr32 Dec 1 #103
Thank you pandr32 debm55 Dec 1 #114
Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs and many more Hugs, Deb Clouds Passing Dec 1 #105
Thank you very much, Clouds Passing. debm55 Dec 1 #107
Take care of yourself, your husband and son. PittBlue Dec 1 #110
Thank you very much PittBlue. Oh, my father worked roe Carrier in Jeannette. He made good money, nice house. But what debm55 Dec 1 #112
Just say 'No'. Stop allowing them to destroy your life. You are under no obligation to pay for or nurse any of them. And sinkingfeeling Dec 1 #111
Thank you sinkingfeeling. debm55 Dec 1 #113
You have lots on your plate of life. Botany Dec 1 #139
Thank you my friend Botany, George was my favorite. I also liked the song, "All Things Must Pass" debm55 Dec 1 #154
How the hell did you turn out like this with that background?! buzzycrumbhunger Dec 1 #141
Thank you very much, buzzycrumbhunger. It is odd that you say that. I have a BS in ART, 2 Masters of ED in Special Ed debm55 Dec 1 #157
Deb, you will never get what you seek from them - TBF Dec 1 #143
Thank you very much for your post, TBF. You are a very kind person. debm55 Dec 1 #149
Walk Away for Good (your own!) from these Abusers! I remember some of what you said previously about this.... electric_blue68 Dec 1 #144
Thank you, very much my friend, electric_blue68. Yes, my BS was in Art Ed. The art projects that meant most to me and debm55 Dec 1 #146
YW, deb! electric_blue68 Dec 1 #147
You are strong. underpants Dec 1 #152
Thank you my dear friend, underpants. debm55 Dec 1 #153
Sever ties donkeyoaty Dec 1 #156
Thank you my dear donkeyoaty.I talked to my therapist today and we are going to work on it. debm55 Dec 1 #160
You are loved immensely here. Basso8vb Dec 1 #163
Thank you very much, Basso8vb. love, deb. debm55 Dec 1 #164
Many people in similar situations, DaBronx Dec 1 #166
Thank you DaBronx for your kind words of wisdom.. I can not redo the past. But I don;t want to be totally responsible debm55 Tuesday #190
I just read your horrific post, and I feel so sorry for you. SWinter Tuesday #167
Thank you, SWinter that was my roll too. I also left at 18. I am now more concerned that i will be in a hell hole with debm55 Tuesday #191
Wow deb, I never dreamed you have been through so much. Emile Tuesday #170
Thank you Emile. I wish very much it wasn't so. But it was and is. debm55 Tuesday #189
Cut them off. They are killing you cpamomfromtexas Tuesday #179
Thank you very much, cpamomfromtexas.For you wonderful words. debm55 Tuesday #182
Well Abstractartist Tuesday #180
Thank you very much for words of wisdom, Abstractartist debm55 Tuesday #181
Life Abstractartist Wednesday #195
Yes we can. Thank you Abstractartist. debm55 Wednesday #196
🤙🏻 Abstractartist Wednesday #202
I am so sorry you endured such horrific abuse. Evergreen Emerald Tuesday #193
Thank you my friend, I had meeting with my new therapist the other day. And we are going to work on overcoming the need debm55 Tuesday #194
Dear, sweet Deb, you are a miracle! Dorothy V Wednesday #197
Thank you very much, my dear friend, Dorothy V. Love. deb debm55 Wednesday #198
Damn, that's just horrible RazorbackExpat Wednesday #199
Yes, I do, Thank you very much RazorbackExpat. debm55 Wednesday #200
(I bring you a memosa, and sit next to you) gay texan Wednesday #201
I love memosas and I love you my friend. Love, debbie. debm55 Wednesday #203
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