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Kristi Noem's now a jet-setting dame,
With two Gulfstreams to carry her name.
They say it's for flight,
But it don’t feel quite right—
Since the Coast Guard's footing the game.

The Coast Guard asked for just one,
But now two jets are part of the fun.
Fifty mil was the start,
Now it’s twice that in part—
What a way to get border work done!

They claim it’s for safety, you see,
To soar o’er the land and the sea.
But critics suspect,
With some cause to reflect,
That it’s more about VIP luxury.

Two Dems sent a letter quite terse,
Said the optics could hardly be worse.
"Is this comfort or need?
Or just taxpayer greed?"
Now the Coast Guard must open its purse.

Asked for comment, DHS went mute,
While the headlines continued to shoot.
With the press at their door,
They just stared at the floor—
Not a peep from the Homeland salute.