By Drew Magary,
Feb 6, 2026
... I’d just seen “Melania” the day before this. For work, mind you. I’d never actually go see this film of my own accord, although a handful of our most gullible Americans did just that over the weekend. The first lady’s self-produced “documentary” made $7 million at the box office over that period, defeating initial expectations that it would gross $0 million. Like Jimmy Kimmel, I’m not convinced that everyone who bought a ticket to “Melania” actually bothered to attend “Melania.” But honestly, you and I have bigger lies to debunk right now. The only important thing here is that “Melania” exists, even if barely so. It’s the least essential movie I’ve ever seen. That it exists at all is a damning indictment of all the backroom deals that went into its production and of all the people involved in those deals, the first lady included ...
... “Melania” isn’t really a movie, and it certainly doesn’t qualify as a documentary. It has no journalistic value and even less entertainment value. It reveals nothing about its subject, and makes no effort to. To watch “Melania” is to watch Mrs. Trump glide through a meticulously curated existence, with designers and chefs and aides welcoming the first lady with smiles every time she walks into a room. Unless you count the stagehands who wave to Mrs. Trump as she walks through an arena concourse, you will not see her interact with actual Americans. And instead of seeing the first lady volunteer in times of crisis (during the LA wildfires, for instance), you’ll see her solemnly watch those events unfold on TV. You’ll get to watch her attend memorial services for fallen servicemembers, and you’ll hear her voiceover — read with about as much conviction as a fifth grader delivering an oral book report — tell you that their deaths make her sad. None of it will move you ...
... see Melania meet and greet with other members of this cloistered ruling class: her husband, her 9-foot-tall son Barron, her loser stepkids, vice president JD Vance, Tesla Nazi Elon Musk, Apple CEO Tim Cook and, hold your surprise, Jeff Bezos. All of these members of the Trump circle are busy living the high life, and none of them have time for the problems of the little people, even if they happen to be the root cause of those problems ...
“Everyone wants to know,” Melania tells the audience at the beginning of the movie, “so here it is.” No, ma’am. No one wanted to know about this. YOU GUYS WERE ALREADY INAUGURATED. And I didn’t watch that ceremony either, because I don’t like having to vomit. So what am I dying to know about a f—king rerun of this thing? How you picked your dress? The fact that you were the first person to get a look at the invites for the ball? That every dinner guest got an amuse-bouche featuring a gold leaf-coated egg topped with a generous dollop of caviar? That you and your husband interact with each other like he’s your grandpa? That you sound like Derek Zoolander if Derek Zoolander was a real person? No. No, I don’t want any of that garbage. I would have preferred you make something USEFUL out of the suffering that you and your friends have caused, instead of spending $75 million on the celluloid equivalent of a 108-minute ad for a perfume sold at Macy’s ...
https://www.sfgate.com/sf-culture/article/melania-film-review-21338044.php
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