The Bill of Wrongs: A Cult Constitution (Timothy Snyder) [View all]

The Bill of Wrongs: A Cult Constitution
(A thread)

1. Congress shall make no law denying the Cult of all-wise Trump, or limiting the exercise thereof; or abridging His sole Freedom to define Truth, which includes his Self-Given Power to defraud, slander, and censor; the right of the people to assemble in worship of all-wise Trump, and to sacrifice Enemies for His Truth, shall in no wise be hindered; petitions to all-wise Trump for a redress of grievances shall take the form of gold Bullion.

2. A personal Militia, being necessary to the security of a Cult, the right of the Servants of all-wise Trump to keep and bear Arms, and to execute thereby his chosen Enemies, shall not be infringed.

3. The Soldiers of all-wise Trump shall, in time of peace or war, be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner.

4. No right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, can be asserted, and no Warrants shall issue before Intrusion and Extraction by the Servants and Soldiers of all-wise Trump, who may, for His part, keep whatsoever documents as he may wish by his Close Stool, until such time as arrangement for their Sale be reached with a Foreign Power.

5. All-Wise Trump, by his auric Corpus Immune, shall not be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, by any Court, nor shall He be presented an indictment of a Grand Jury, including in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in his personal Militia; nor shall all-wise Trump be subjected to indignant reference to previous crimes, especially those of a paedophilic or felonious Character; nor shall He be deprived of His private property, however acquired; nor shall it be taken for public use.

6. In all criminal prosecutions, those accused by all-wise Trump shall enjoy no right to a fair trial.

7. In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, all-wise Trump shall collect one Half of any Settlement.

8. Excessive bail shall be required, and excessive fines imposed, and cruel and unusual punishments inflicted, when so ordered by all-wise Trump.

9. The exclusion in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to imply any retention of other rights by the people.

10. No powers are reserved to the States, except such as temporarily conferred by all-wise Trump for the purpose of affording the Appearance of Election; any powers not expressly delegated to all-wise Trump are implicitly reserved to Him, or to his Successor, who shall be selected by the wealthiest White Men of the Cape Colony.

(This thread is a Satire, although less so than one might wish, given the ease of imagining it in the worthy pouches of our Originalists and Oligarchs.)

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/2015915011256840290.html