Chaos erupts at White House as infighting spills out - Another Day - Brian Tyler Cohen

BTC: A Vanity Fair piece pits Trump's chief of staff against everyone else in the White House. What a classic lamestream media move, quoting what people say. This is just another day.

It's the holiday season and you know what that means? It's time for people to get sloppy and talk shit about their co-workers. Yep, this is a time-honored tradition and yet, like Christmas, it seems to come earlier and earlier every year.

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Unidentified CNN Host: This just in, a revealing new interview with really the most powerful person in President Trump's White House beyond him, Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, commenting and going there on a wide range of topics, it seems, with Vanity Fair in a new series of interviews from the handling of the Epstein investigation to her assessment of the big names on Donald Trump's team.

Chris Jansing: Wiles said Trump has an alcoholic's personality.

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BTC: Wow, that is fucking brutal. But I guess it makes sense since Trump also has an alcoholic's body. The bloated face, the swollen ankles, the blotchy hands, and the mouth that no likey words so much.

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Trump: Acetaminophen… (struggling to pronounce the word)
Trump: When they gaze upon yosemite, yoseminites, towering sequoias…
Trump: Shifting production to Thigh-land.

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BTC: Yes, for a guy who famously doesn't drink, he sure is a fucking mess. But look, I'm sure this happens all the time. Employees get a little too comfortable and open their mouths when they shouldn't. I'm sure she didn't say anything that a few apology bears can't fix.

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CNN Reporter: Said the vice president uh has been a quote conspiracy theorist for a decade. She also talked about Russell Vaught. She argued that Vaught is quote “a right-wing absolute zealot.” She argued that Bondi quote uh whiffed completely whiffed the handling of the Epstein file. She admitted publicly that one of the goals of this administration and the president is actually to see regime change in Venezuela and oust Nicholas Madura. I should note that is not what the White House line has been on this.

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BTC: Uh on second thought, I think Susie Wiles might want to send herself a bear that says I'm so fucked. I'm not sure why exactly Susie Wiles would sit down for one interview with Vanity Fair in the first place.

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Morning Joe Annoiuncer: A series of 11 interviews.

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BTC: 11! Good luck explaining this one away. Why not just have an affair with the magazine at a Coldplay concert while you're at it? This is bad. Every single day, Trump whines that there are folks who will do nothing but trash his administration and disagree with him on every issue. And it turns out the top one of those is his own chief of staff. Thank God she wasn't one of those DEI hires because those employees wreak havoc on a workplace. But look, this administration is increasingly adept at dealing with these types of issues. Whenever there's some bad press, some ramblings of dissent and infighting inside the White House, they know exactly where to turn to the excuse machine.

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Fox News Announcer: Here's Susie Wile's reaction to the series of articles. Quote, "The article published early this morning is a disingenuously framed hit piece on me and the finest president, White House staff, and cabinet in history. Significant context was disregarded, and much of what I and others said about the team and the president was left out of the story. I assume after reading it that this was done to paint an overwhelmingly chaotic and negative narrative about the president and our team.

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BTC: Yeah, I'd say that's a pretty good assumption considering that's the narrative you painted. That's like Van Gogh getting pissed that some asshole made the night too starry. That's right. I'm quite cultured. Anyone else want to take a spin at giving this some spin?

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JD Vance: If Susie as like I'll trust I'll trust what you said. I haven't looked at the article. I of course have heard about it, but conspiracy theorist. Sometimes I am a conspiracy theorist, but I only believe in the conspiracy theories that are true.

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BTC: Yay for conspiracy theories. Is JD Vance guest speaking at the Flat Earth Society? Not to nitpick here, but if those things are true, then by definition, wouldn't that make them not conspiracy theories and just facts? That's like Matt Gaetz saying, "The only underage girls I have sex with are the ones over 18." Nope. For this level of damage control, they're going to need to bring out the big guns. This calls for the Maven of Manipulation, the Damsel of Disinformation, the one and only Princess of Propaganda.

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Karoline Leavitt: This was unfortunately another attempt at fake news by a reporter who was acting disingenuously and really did take uh the Chief's words out of context. But I think most importantly, the bias of omission was ever present throughout this story. The reporter omitted all of the positive things that Susie and our team said about the president in the inner workings of the White House.

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BTC: See, this hack reporter included all the terrible things Susie Wiles said, but none of the positive stuff. It's like how everyone harps on the fact that Epstein raped all those girls but fails to mention all those times he wasn't raping girls. What is so astonishing to me is that Republicans are supposed to be the party of personal responsibility. I mean, sure, they're also the party of family values, yet somehow have no problem standing by a guy who had an affair with a porn star merely 4 months after his wife gave birth. Where is all this individual accountability they love to talk about so much, though? They can't even acknowledge that they said what they said quote, "In the interview with the Times on Monday, Ms. Wiles took issue with the quote attributed to her about Elon's drug use. That's ridiculous, she said. I wouldn't have said it and I wouldn't know. But Mr. Whipple played a tape for the times in which she could be heard saying it. Yeah, Susie Wiles has somehow arrived at Austin Power status.

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Austin Powers: I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
Inspector: One book, Swedish made penis enlarger pumps and me. This sort of thing is my bag, baby.

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BTC: This Susie Wiles interview is not a hit piece or a hatchet job. It is merely the truth seeping out and a party refusing to take personal responsibility for their actions, which is what this White House always does. They didn't end the wars on day one. They didn't bring down inflation. They didn't usher in a jobs boom or a manufacturing renaissance. They didn't make IVF free. They didn't protect Medicaid or earn benefits. The party of personal responsibility has broken every single promise they made. Yet somehow, it's never their fault.

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JD Vance: Joe Biden gave us the worst economy in the world.

Lindsey Graham: Obama and Biden have a lot to do with this.

Maria Bartiromo: What is the administration's plan to rein in the cost of food and housing?
Scott Bessent: Well, Maria, people should be stressed because this Biden inflation.

Karoline Leavitt: And what happened this absolute tragedy that took place uh of our soldiers who were killed. Uh that was largely uh because of the dereliction of duty from the last administration.

Trump: We came in on January 20th so this is Biden. And you could even say the next quarter is sort of Biden because it doesn't just happen on a daily or an hourly basis.

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BTC: Yeah, that's right. It's more of a never-type basis. But maybe Wiles whiling out in this Vanity Fair piece is just the thing that needed to happen to this administration to force them into a place of healing and introspection.

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JD Vance: And the last thing I'll say is if any of us have learned a lesson from that Vanity Fair article, I hope that the lesson is…

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BTC: … being honest with the American people is a better strategy than lying your faces off on a daily basis. Giving tax breaks to billionaires while cutting food stamps and Medicaid is a losing strategy for our country. That the American people are smarter than you give them credit for and can tell from every single Cabinet meeting. That this administration is being led by a narcissistic, power- hungry demagogue who needs to surround himself with sycophants who pledge to compete for his loyalty or else

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JD Vance: We should be giving fewer interviews to mainstream media outlets…

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BTC: … or that.