A Therapist once told me about the S.A.L.T.

scale. Stands for sad,angry,lonely, and tired. She said I had to be careful when I was feeling any of these because this makes me more vulnerable to my chronic depressive tendencies. Well I am hitting three out of four. I had to put my dog to sleep on Monday because she was older and was in the beginning stages of congestive heart failure. I couldn't bear to have her suffer so it was the right thing to do.

The only thing I'm not is angry. I went to see my current therapist today and said I was sad but doing okay but then tonight I just turned off all the lights curled up on the floor where my Maxie used to lay by the couch and cried my eyes out. I have family but they all work except one who is retired and she lives in another city and volunteers.None of them can be available to keep me company twenty four hours a day like my dog did. My dog was not an officially a therapy dog but that's exactly what she was in reality. She was with me for twelve and a half years.

I know I can get a new dog but it's going to take time to find the right match. I really want another German Shepherd. They have been my best friends and protectors since I was five years old. I forced myself to get off the floor and call one of my cousins because my sister was out to dinner with friends and she's already shoulders a lot for me because of my "issues." I've dealt with grief before but this is harder. I lived with my Mom but then she died. It was hard but I didn't feel totally alone cause I had my dog for companionship. Now I feel totally alone and I HATE it already.

I know I have to keep going for my sister's sake and even for the feral barn cats I feed. It just hurts so bad right now and I miss her so much.