I know what's happening with your husband is hard to deal with and you feel bad for him. That's good, but it doesn't do you or him any good if you let it get both of you depressed. Manage your own emotional health first. That way once you are stable you can be the rock he can lean on. Otherwise you will take each other down. In my own family I have an enmeshed relationship with my father in which we feed off each other emotionally. When I get down, he does too and vice versa, to some extend it's understandable but at the level we have it it's not healthy. Others in the Lounge have offered you good advice on what to do in terms of him losing his job, I have no advice there. But you are strong and will weather this! Having that plan is of vital importance, stick to it and work on your emotional health. In the end I think daily life can be broken down into two aspects, emotional health, and the logistics of getting by. The logistics part is everything you do day to day to earn a living. It's the mundane, boring aspect of life but actually takes up the bulk of life itself. That plan you have takes care of this aspect. I'd make sure you have it well fleshed out in case of other likely contingencies but once it's set just follow it and forget it. Try not to dwell on things as you can't really change what you have no control over. Make a plan, follow it, then work on the other aspect of life, your emotional health. Make sure that you have other things YOU can lean on emotionally when you are feeling down. Family, friends, hobbies, passions, fill your spare time with these as much as possible. They will be important emotional distractions, I have a theory that a lot of the emotional healing that occurs simply occurs when we are able to get our minds off the negative emotions and thoughts that constantly drag us down. Be there for him, and support him, try to see if you can coax him into getting some help, but make sure you have your own support system in place!

i've been doing so well for so long that i hope there will be some carryover effect to help keep me going. i'm going to give it a bit before i up the meds just to see how things go.

i have a really good support network, so that is good. i've been getting off work a lot earlier, so i've been able to start cooking dinner again. cooking is my meditation.

i just have to remember to keep breathing.