Cancer Support
Related: About this forumIs anyone else here a caregiver?
Apologies for picking this group, but I felt it was the most likely place to find someone who is a caregiver.
I am a caregiver to a family member who is a decade older than me. She's had two types of cancer, which were both caught very early and managed. But on top of those issues, she has a myriad of other issues like blood pressure, back problems, etc. She is on a blood thinner.
Any medication for ONE condition creates a negative impact on some OTHER condition, so there never seems to be a period of time where everything is under control even for a minute. Nothing she has is life threatening, at least not at the moment.
Her attitude has gotten bad and I'm wearing thin. I AM practicing self-care and setting boundaries. I knew the importance of those things going in. In fact, I had a talk with my own primary care physician when this started and she warned me about burnout, etc.
Actually practicing all of the suggested methods of dealing with the stress is, of course, very hard. But I do try.
Just wondering if anyone else is/has gone through this type of situation, and basically wanting to commiserate.
Alice Kramden
(2,954 posts)She lived in our 2-flat for 13 years, starting when she was 80. It's terribly hard to do this, and I feel for you. This article from Aarp describes it well: https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/when-family-caregivers-dislike-loved-ones/]
If you want someone to commiserate please message me. Perhaps your sister is having brain changes if she's suddenly getting cranky.
hamsterjill
(17,668 posts)I will definitely send you a PM when time allows. Appreciate it.
biophile
(1,482 posts)Hes actually not too bad most days however he has moments of anger and belligerence. Hes gotten frail compared to his younger days but is still strong enough to cause harm if he chose to direct anger my way, which hasnt happened (yet).
The good thing is that his medication list is pretty short and few side effects right now.
You may send me private messages if you wish.
hamsterjill
(17,668 posts)I will definitely send a PM as soon as I have a minute. Until then, you hang in there, as well!
Lifeafter70
(1,149 posts)He does have times when he lashes out but never physically.
He is in hospice so the only medications he is on are pain medications.
It took some time to get the right combination and get his pain under control.
You do need a break for your own health.
My grandson gives me that so I can go home to be with my husband.
For me it's depressing to see my child in so much pain and knowing he will eventually be gone.
His type of cancer is slow growing so it could be months or a couple of years.
For your own health do take breaks if you can especially if you loved on becomes difficult. Remember it's the illness not who your loved one really is.
I'm not dealing with any type of dementia with my son so don't have any advice except to talk with their doctor on dealing with that.
hamsterjill
(17,668 posts)I'm so sorry.
Lifeafter70
(1,149 posts)My husband and Grandson are a wonderful support for me and my son.
Some days his pain is so bad I find myself wishing for a finale relief for him.
Than he will have good days and I'm grateful for those days.
Easterncedar
(6,399 posts)It's very hard. Any chance she could qualify for assisted living? How much care does she need?
hamsterjill
(17,668 posts)We are exploring some in-home physical therapy options for the back issues.
Easterncedar
(6,399 posts)And if you can catch a breath, look out for the future. It happens all the time that things get worse at an accelerating rate and the carer keeps trying to adapt on the run.
And take care of yourself. Like on the plane: put on your own oxygen mask first.
snowybirdie
(6,726 posts)You need an outlet to bitch to. There are many on line groups to join that help alleviate the stress. I'm sire you'll find one for cancer caregivers. It does help, I know! Good luck.