Dear Santa, Can You Give Texas a Break? We've Tried Nothing and We're All Out of Ideas

Dear Santa,

Howdy from Texas, big man. Hope things are well up at the North Pole, where I assume the ice hasn’t melted, the power grid works, and y’all haven’t deported any elves.

I’m writing because I have a few tiny Christmas wishes for next year. Nothing huge. Just small, achievable miracles on par with, say, turning water into Lone Star.

First, I’d like a Texas Legislature that can go one full session without inventing a new culture war. I know that’s asking you to violate several known laws of physics, but you’ve pulled off harder stuff (after all, you hit like a billion houses in one night).

Also, I’d like a summer that doesn’t feel like I’m being slow-roasted in a giant cast-iron skillet. Maybe just a tiny break, a day where the sun isn’t personally offended by the idea of human survival. I’m not picky. I’ll take an afternoon where my steering wheel isn’t hotter than Satan’s Yeti tumbler.

Oh, and could you give us a mosquito population that chills out a little? I’m not asking you to wipe them out entirely, but maybe just knock them down to “annoying” instead of “armed militia.”

https://thebarbedwire.com/2025/12/19/santa-christmas-list-for-texas/