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Zorro

(18,881 posts) Tue May 19, 2026, 04:43 PM 4 hrs ago

Dad Rocks Back And Forth To Gain Enough Momentum To Sit Up From Chair

HENDERSON, NV—In an effort to rise to his feet from the seated position, local dad Robert Palacios was reportedly rocking back and forth Monday to gain enough momentum to sit up from his chair.

According to several reports, the 73-year-old used the mass of his large belly like a pendulum’s counterweight as he oscillated to and fro, building up the speed necessary to free himself from the recliner.

Living room sources confirmed that Palacios, whose face grew red as he accelerated, produced rhythmic, involuntary guttural noises each time he lurched upward and fell back down into the seat cushion, failing in his repeated attempts to reach escape velocity.

At press time, Palacios was said to be motionless after hurtling forward and crashing into the wall.

https://theonion.com/dad-rocks-back-and-forth-to-gain-enough-momentum-to-sit-up-from-chair/

5 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Dad Rocks Back And Forth To Gain Enough Momentum To Sit Up From Chair (Original Post) Zorro 4 hrs ago OP

Ohhhh. 'Love the Onion, but that is not at all funny to me.. hlthe2b 4 hrs ago #1

My thoughts exactly. I had to read it twice.thought I missed the funny part Raven123 4 hrs ago #2

My wife survived a dissected upper aorta that had cachukis 4 hrs ago #3

It is not funny to watch people you care for reach the point they can't get out of their chair. Midnight Writer 4 hrs ago #4

Went through this with a friend, she nearly died.. mountain grammy 2 hrs ago #5

hlthe2b

(114,681 posts)

1. Ohhhh. 'Love the Onion, but that is not at all funny to me..

Reply to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 19, 2026, 04:47 PM

4 hrs ago

This is a common problem with aging in those who are losing muscle mass, flexibility or have chronic disease conditions. And falls are among the leading causes of death in the elderly.

Sorry, Onion, but let's direct the dark humor elsewhere.

Raven123

(7,897 posts)

2. My thoughts exactly. I had to read it twice.thought I missed the funny part

Reply to hlthe2b (Reply #1)

Tue May 19, 2026, 04:50 PM

4 hrs ago

There is none.

cachukis

(4,082 posts)

3. My wife survived a dissected upper aorta that had

Reply to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 19, 2026, 05:11 PM

4 hrs ago

started leaking. Major schtuff.
Got a lift chair as she needed time to come back.
Sold it for what I paid to another needy. Have a couple of vids. Gallows humor persists.

Midnight Writer

(25,745 posts)

4. It is not funny to watch people you care for reach the point they can't get out of their chair.

Reply to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 19, 2026, 05:11 PM

4 hrs ago

Kicking down on a person's looks and abilities is rarely funny.

Full disclosure: Yes, I have made fun of Ka$h Patel's looks. Repeatedly. Cruelly.

mountain grammy

(29,214 posts)

5. Went through this with a friend, she nearly died..

Reply to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 19, 2026, 06:30 PM

2 hrs ago

Got her a good lift chair for recovery. Hospital rehab told her to rock back and forth to get up.. home rehab had a completely different method, so much better, but the lift chair was a blessing for a couple of weeks.

the Onion wll get a bit of blowback for this.

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