The DU Lounge

3Hotdogs

(15,431 posts) Fri Apr 17, 2026, 12:27 AM Yesterday

How to say "goodbye?" We were lovers for about 5 years in the 70's and remain close friends.When they moved to Pa from

NJ, I found time to visit her and her husband, at least once a month. About a year ago, she began to decline-speech problems, problems with balance and on and on. Many physician visits with neurologists and so forth got no diagnosis.

This evening she called to say the diagnosis is probably A.L.S. - one of the shittiest ways to die. She mentioned assisted suicide a couple of months ago and brought it up again in this evening's phone call.

If she choses assisted suicide, she will most likely want me there at the time.That will be hard and I hope I have the strength to be there for her.

7 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

How to say "goodbye?" We were lovers for about 5 years in the 70's and remain close friends.When they moved to Pa from (Original Post) 3Hotdogs Yesterday OP

I'm sorry Laurelin Yesterday #1

This is so sad for everyone. She must love and respect you to even discuss such a personal decision with you Deuxcents Yesterday #2

She is one amazing person. NOTHING was ever off topic for a discussion. Sex, money and now, death. 3Hotdogs Yesterday #5

Sending her, you and all who care for her warm thoughts. ❤️ MLAA Yesterday #3

There's so much grace that flows through you in the time when love and loss meet lostnfound Yesterday #4

Damn......so sorry 3, for her, her family, and you. a kennedy Yesterday #6

shower her onethatcares 20 hrs ago #7

Laurelin

(940 posts)

1. I'm sorry

Reply to 3Hotdogs (Original post)

Fri Apr 17, 2026, 12:41 AM

Yesterday

I have no idea how to cope with this situation. All I can do is send my best hopes to you for strength. I hope you can find some peace.

Deuxcents

(27,246 posts)

2. This is so sad for everyone. She must love and respect you to even discuss such a personal decision with you

Reply to 3Hotdogs (Original post)

Fri Apr 17, 2026, 01:15 AM

Yesterday

There has been posts about this matter many times and even tho we say or we think we know what we’d do if it were one of us, I don’t think we really know until we’re face to face with the hard decision.i hope if she does ask, you’ll be able to find in you're heart the love and compassion you both can live with, no matter what decisions are made. 🌺

3Hotdogs

(15,431 posts)

5. She is one amazing person. NOTHING was ever off topic for a discussion. Sex, money and now, death.

Reply to Deuxcents (Reply #2)

Fri Apr 17, 2026, 08:52 AM

Yesterday

For thirty years, she worked to make New Jersey public spaces to be smoke free. She founded and directed New Jersey GASP (Group against smoking pollution. This effort was picked up by anti-smoking advocates in other states - N.Y. and Mass... If your state's public spaces are smoke free, thank her.

MLAA

(19,772 posts)

3. Sending her, you and all who care for her warm thoughts. ❤️

Reply to 3Hotdogs (Original post)

Fri Apr 17, 2026, 01:35 AM

Yesterday

lostnfound

(17,549 posts)

4. There's so much grace that flows through you in the time when love and loss meet

Reply to 3Hotdogs (Original post)

Fri Apr 17, 2026, 03:41 AM

Yesterday

i am sorry these things are happening to her and you.
The strength shows up when you need it. In my experience, it is a certain kind of privilege to be there to give love to someone as they leave this life.