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The Script of Every American Movie Set in Ireland -- Muireann Kelly - McSweeneys
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-script-of-every-american-movie-set-in-irelandFADE IN.
EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - DAY
Open on rolling hills of violently oversaturated green. The scenery suggests a temporal twilight zone, some time between 1745 and the present day.
Against all statistical likelihood, it is not raining.
We zoom in on any ginger AMERICAN actress getting off a tour bus. She steps directly into a pile of cow dung / a procession of priests / the Troubles.
An OLD MAN appears over the crest of a hill, accompanied by a SIMPLE-MINDED FOOL and a DOG. The OLD MAN stares across the hills in a wise and vaguely mystical way.
OLD MAN
The path is just a road that hasn't found its way home yet.
His accent is geographically incoherent yet easily understandable to a global audience without subtitles.
Fiddle music begins.
. . .
EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - DAY
Open on rolling hills of violently oversaturated green. The scenery suggests a temporal twilight zone, some time between 1745 and the present day.
Against all statistical likelihood, it is not raining.
We zoom in on any ginger AMERICAN actress getting off a tour bus. She steps directly into a pile of cow dung / a procession of priests / the Troubles.
An OLD MAN appears over the crest of a hill, accompanied by a SIMPLE-MINDED FOOL and a DOG. The OLD MAN stares across the hills in a wise and vaguely mystical way.
OLD MAN
The path is just a road that hasn't found its way home yet.
His accent is geographically incoherent yet easily understandable to a global audience without subtitles.
Fiddle music begins.
. . .