I’d ask them if they’re going to take care of me in my old age. Start giving back the same kind of energy. Bitch at them for stretching you out too much. Make up some stories as if they actually caused you serious harm. Like oh yeah…. It took me 12 hours to get you pushed out. You owe me.

That, or I would just stop going there.

But pace yourself. Don't burn out too quickly!




Welcome to da club!

First happened to me in the early 70's when I was in deep country Idaho. I didn't even realize the guy was speaking to me, I was in my early 20's. When I asked him why he called me momma, he said that's just the way they refer to women. I thought it was very bizarre.

It's demeaning. Customers should be "sir" or "ma'am", unless they are personally known, and called by their names.

I wasn't in a business, I was at an "after" party following my boyfriends' band show. I still didn't like it.

for a older female FAMILY MEMBER--who was actually their MOMMA or Grandmother.

I agree that this is a disrespectful "tic" among some Gen-Z that needs to STOP. I assume some idiot "influencer" started it, despite a comment upstream that it was "common." Even in Idaho (and I am a mere two states away and used to ski/spend time there frequently), I never heard it. Could I have missed it--especially if this is (as I suspect) a more recent phenomenon? Yes. Of course, but still...

If this happens again (or again and again), even if some here want to claim "Karen" behavior, I would politely request of her supervisor to stop this "salutation" and assure him/her that there will be many who do not appreciate it. If they claim ignorance, then a simple "bless your heart" should do.

n/t

that I had no experience with.

I suppose it doesn't seem demeaning to the people saying it as it might be a local custom. Personally, it has never happened to me.

Now that I am elderly, the ones that rub me the wrong way are "Hon" and "Sweetie". Usually happens with nurses and hospital staff, though I've noticed lately a conscious effort to not do it. It can be very demeaning and condescending as if when we get older, we become children. I really prefer they just use my name.

I totally "get" where you are coming from, and that scenario bothers me, too.

There is nothing wrong with asking that you be referred to by your name.

Do you think that when Cher goes in for plastic surgery that they call her "sweetie"? I would doubt it.

Another one that used to bother me was when my kids were young and medical staff would call me "mother" or "mom". I wonder when that started, it sounded so weird.

Its not meant to be disrespectful or insulating. Its used equally for both sexes, and any age. You'll hear it from medical staff, store clerks, and waitresses (but not waiters....hmmm)

It was the norm there as well. I don't take it as disrespectful in those circumstances, though I don't like being talked to like a child just because I am old and sick.

Like I said, it appears hospitals and medical staff seem to be working at being more respectful with their patients and it helps to cultivate trust.

That's funny about waiters. Waitresses are often over the top with the syrupy sweetness, especially in the south. Though I was a waitress and I would have NEVER spoken to an adult like that. It feels too familiar and disrespectful. I was raised in the north and no one where I lived talked to people like that. I didn't hear such talk until we moved to Mississippi - major culture shock.

It was the norm there as well. I don't take it as disrespectful in those circumstances, though I don't like being talked to like a child just because I am old and sick.

Like I said, it appears hospitals and medical staff seem to be working at being more respectful with their patients and it helps to cultivate trust.

That's funny about waiters. Waitresses are often over the top with the syrupy sweetness, especially in the south. Though I was a waitress and I would have NEVER spoken to an adult like that. It feels too familiar and disrespectful. I was raised in the north and no one where I lived talked to people like that. I didn't hear such talk until we moved to Mississippi - major culture shock.

It is quite a different world in the south.

NEVER HEARD of such a custom!!!!

Only time I heard it was in very rural Idaho in the 70's. I accepted the guy's "tale" that it was common there and several people confirmed it.

No one of my mother's generation ever referred to her as mama except her children. I've noticed people calling their female YOUNG children mama--don't ask me why--but even that is more recent, like in the last 20 years or so. Calling a woman "mama" who isn't your mama, especially a woman you don't personally know is insulting and disrespectful.

I would not care for that one bit - NOPE

He did apologize.

Last edited Fri Feb 27, 2026, 03:05 PM - Edit history (1)

It's more at a respect for your elders I think, but more at woman to woman. Kind of an alternative to ma'am. More familiar, abit more solidarity with a nod to your togetherness to which they would aspire.

Maybe they would refer to an older man as Pops or Unc, or not at all because it's a man.

But I think they should be corrected.

It's on par with someone calling a young woman "hon".

... but then again I'm not listening for it. I will be on alert now, however. --- I agree with you that it's a little "too friendly" as a form of sincere respect and deference to one's elders. I wouldn't like it either.

I'm in South Texas and that makes sense for the area - although one of the people to which I referred was not Hispanic. In another post, I explained that a friend of mine in Arizona is familiar with it happening. She hates it, too.

I don't think it's someone else's place to decide that I'm "elderly", especially when she admitted to calling a younger male a "sir". If he's a "sir", then I expect to be a "ma'am".

It's not endearing to me; it's demeaning. And I will be speaking up. Some respondents on this thread seem to think it's no big deal. That's THEIR right, but I don't agree. To me, it's yet another example of asking women to just go along with someone not treating them equally.

Nope.

Middle aged, female, and of Caribbean or African descent, judging from her accent. I didn’t like it but attributed it to her cultural heritage.

The term I dislike the most is “young lady.” You can use that with 6 year olds, maybe, but not with women.

n/t

🙄

That may be fine for a biker show, but this was a business. And the inequity of it was that the worker admitted that she would call a male a more respectful name than what she called me.

I wasn't called mamacita. I was called "momma".

I don't want to be called "momma" by anyone that I didn't give birth to, and I don't think that's wrong for me (or anyone else) to expect to be respected as a paying customer and treated with courtesy, especially given that the worker would not use a nickname for a male customer.

Up thread, I posted a video of Maya Angelou insisting that she be called "Ms. Angelou" by a younger woman. Ms. Angelou was 62 at the time. I'm older than that, and while I won't insist on always being called "Ms _______" by a younger person, I have not given a younger person working in a drive through the license to call me "momma" either.

Best to stay professional with "sir" (which is what the worker said she'd call a male) and "ma'am" for women like me.

Totally inappropriate. I have a co-worker who keeps texting our boss with the appellation "girl, you aren't going to....".

Crazy.

quite rude at worst, depending on the situational context.

I strongly dislike being called "boss", "chief", and other phony honorifics. It's patronizing.

Maybe in a professional setting, sure. But out in the wild? It ain't that serious. Just come up with a few, short, witty responses.
Like "Thanks, sonny."

I don't get bent out of shape about it, and I can't recall having been called "pops", yet, but when the young fellow at the gas station called me "boss", I said, "I'm nobody's boss." The second time he added an extra little smile. Next time, I'll introduce myself... maybe that'll work.

and I asked him when was he in jail? He thought for a moment and then corrected himself.

It's about that level of respect IMHO.

No one likes my darkness.

and I'm sure she meant no harm or tried to insult the person spoken to in any way.

I DID hear it often while driving through the south and I found it charming.

were called that because they treated their staff well, kicked in when needed, shared accolades when appropriate.... They were just good people.

Neither are with us anymore, but I sure hope they knew it was with the highest respect. I'm pretty confident they did.

I think my trouble with titles goes back to my early childhood, when one of my Anglophilic aunts would address envelopes to me as "Master T.J. Harker." Even at four I found that deeply irritating.

Edited to add that I referred to such honorifics as "phony" only as they pertain to me, having never been anyone's boss or chief.

“Boss” by all his employees or subs. All were Latino. I think it was intended as a term of respect. He called people he didn’t know “amigo.”

Perhaps familiarity, but not respect. At any rate, how would a man feel if a total stranger, were to call him daddy? Disgusting behavior.

by a woman. Or sweetie. I'm 64. I suppose I can be pleasant at times, but I'm not a baby.

I don't care, personally.

One thing I absolutely don't like, though, is when a server asks 'how's everything tasting"

Thats a new thing in the last several years. Like, stay out of my mouth. Like I'm Violet chewing forbidden gum. As if taste is all food is about.

...I can see how it would be annoying.
I'm a guy, so they're not going to say that to me, but I never heard my wife or other women called that.
I think my wife would find it weird.

From the tone of their voices and expressions it was clear that they meant it as respect to their elders.

None of the why and Hispanic did.

I never had children & if someone ever calls me momma, they're gonna get an earful.

Maybe when Burger King gets their new AI headphones to check if employees are saying please & thank-you, will it check for other basic etiquette.

But she is aware now.

Yeah, I'm sure that AI is gonna fix this for us!!!! LOL

But I commiserated with a friend last night who lives in Arizona, and she's had it happen to her. I'm not sure if it's just regional in some way.

But it sucks and it needs to stop.

You've given an example of where Minnesota is more more advanced than Texas!!! LOL One of these days, maybe Texas will come into the real world.

I will leave it up to you to make sure that it never becomes a thing in Minnesota, and I am sure I am leaving it in capable hands!!!! LOL

Call a woman Momma around here and she'll tear out your spine and beat you with it. But people in the Midwest in general tend to consider that kind of informality to be rude and intrusive. I recall meeting a guy from Alabama (or Georgia?) who within two minutes after being introduced asked me what church I went to. In this neck of the woods that's considered an extremely rude, nosy question. I was really taken aback but I had to work with the guy so I just said, "I don't."

I've been asked the same question before about church. Your answer was a good one!

It is simply ignorance and disrespect parading as familiarity. Extremely inappropriate, no matter the setting.

I thought it was the oddest thing.

Baby girl is another one I've heard on some of the fitness videos I watch. Major cringe. Usually by a woman & not a man, & I hate it. We call girls baby girl, but boys are little man. It's deliberate. I stopped watching Criminal Minds cuz the one guy always called the smart nerd woman baby girl. The writers had to do that?

Personally, I would rather be called sister or girlfriend than either of the other two.

You're right! I've heard male babies called "little man", too come to think of it.

I second the cringe factor. Perhaps I cuss too much? Because any word resembling "mother" directed at me by someone who I did not give birth to - has a whole different reaction. I think of mother-you-know-what!

I understand that it may be a cultural issue - but then, that's MY cultural way of thinking as to what the word connotes. Best to just stay professional in a business setting in my opinion. Save the nicknames for family gatherings.

O momma I'm in fear for my life from the long arm of the law
hey hey momma by the way you move

and rap
momma said knock you out

Yeah, that doesn't go over well either!!! LOL

But I guess it would depend on how the woman feels about it. More like "biker culture" IMO.

I live in a fantasy world where I'm 77 but think I look 20 years younger - remember I said fantasy - so I just laughed.

I think your approach is a good one.

But what is wrong with "how would you like me to address you"? I mean, a hairdresser is gonna take a while. I understand that a drive through employee doesn't have time to establish a relationship. But a hairdresser should be hoping to establish a return customer.

You're expected to call them "Dr. Soandso" while they use your first name. That really pissed off my mother, a retired nurse, who had dealt with arrogant doctors in her youth. If a doctor called her by her first name (and they always did, especially when she got old), she'd say "You can call me Mrs. XXXX".

Initially a lieutenant, and after 2 years, a captain. After I got out and got a job in a civilian private practice, I had to figure out how I wanted to introduce myself. My predecessor in the job had been called "Doctor Anne," which I was not comfortable with. I thought it was false advertising. Lots of nurse practitioners go by their first names, because we all start out as bedside nurses, and first names are what we use in that setting. After being called by my rank, switching to just my first name felt too casual and informal.

I decided to be "Mrs. 4 syllable Italian surname." I typically addressed the mothers as Mrs. Whoever. I reasoned that no one called the doctors by their first names, kids don't call their teachers by their first names, and it get like the use of a title conveyed some dignity and seriousness that was appropriate to the role. No families ever had a problem with it.

She’s got the register ready for my member number and debit card and always greets me Hi Mama, how have you been? I can’t help but smile back and say good, how are ya? I don’t mind it one bit but if she called me ma’am, it wouldn't be the same friendly interaction. She’s not being disrespectful with her tone and I don’t feel disrespected. Now..dear or hon is totally not alright under any circumstance!

I'm glad you have a special relationship with this clerk. But it sounds like you have an ongoing association that has built over time.

My experiences were not that.

So condescending and disrespectful! The last time that happened to me, the waitress said while walking away, but I made sure she heard me asked my friend, "Did she just call me Mama?" She had sense enough not to make that mistake again.

Thanks for understanding. This must be something more common in Texas than in other areas. Some posters seem to be missing the idea that women being called "momma" and men being called "sir" is a problem in a business setting. That's disheartening for me to see on a progressive website such as DU.

I posted this in the Lounge for the very reason that it wasn't going to be something to be substantiated, give links for, etc. It's my opinion. And it most definitely and assuredly is offensive to me. There's even one post about "manufacturing" something.

Momma, my ass!!!! They can kiss it!

but i’ve only been called that by ppl who know me. i think it’s presumptuous for a random customer.

Your post got me thinking...

I've been called all sorts of names by people I know well, and by people I don't...

Waitresses: Honey, sweetie, handsome, poppy(???!!!).

Barber: Boss, chief, man, my man, bro, my brother, bruh, buddy, pal.

Vendor: Cat (What's up, cat?). This guy called everyone "cat".

Old manager: "Dad" (Vietnam vet who called everyone "dad", even women).

Freinds: Sally (!?), Sonny, Luca (my name is not even close to any of these), Squiz, Horse, Dawg, or whatever name happens to pop into their head.

I think that's just the way people are.

I usually call people by their formal name...for example, if someone is named "Francis", and everyone calls them "Fran", I will call them "Francis". Michael? I'll call them "Michael" instead of Mike.

I had a friend named Arthur. One day I called him Art.

His response was, "My friends call me Arthur."

He has spent his life correcting people who call him "Mike". He just responds with "My name is Michael". He's done it every single time I've heard it happen for over 40 years.

What do they call older men? Daddy? Poppa? I'm curious.

I did not feel respected. I felt demeaned. At what point do they decide to start calling women that? Age 40? Age 50? I mean, it's pretty presumptuous for someone to be able to decide who is and is not "elder".

I'm not trying to bust your chops. I know what you're saying is correct. But it's not appropriate in a business setting.

The use is fading, but still appears here and there. I always liked it.

That the saw the word ma'am and thought it said momma.

n/t

Better yet, visit, tell them "Ma'am" will suffice. "I ain't you momma and I did not take you to raise."

Much the same way in Hawaii old guys like me get called Uncle by kids we’ve never seen before.

If you look for the good in people and situations, you often find it.

But I don't think that I deserve to be disrespected and feel that I can't speak up about it either.

In a professional setting, I feel that this is inappropriate. In my way of thinking, these young women need to be educated that women are equal. They need not settle for lesser treatment themselves. Neither should I. (Please see my post about the response as to the man being called "sir&quot . If a man is to be called "sir", then the very least that *I* should expect is to be called "ma'am".

I didn't mind my age. I love being older. But this isn't a serious disrespect in my estimation. Certainly nothing to take to her supervisor.
You can be playful and call her punkie, sweetie pie, maybe say, thank you baby girl.
I just think we need more love in the world. There is certainly a huge difference in respecting your elders than there was when we were young, ageism is huge, especially in politics. But, I don't think that it's her intention. Saying all that, I think it is clear that I hate controversy and I was always the kid in the house trying to make everyone happy. 🙂 It never worked, but I never quit trying.

I didn't go to the manager, but I may next time. This is not about love in the world. This is about education and the right to expect to be treated equally.

I never shy away from controversy when it comes to being treated equally with men. I was raised by my widowed father and NEVER told I should be any less because I was born female. Guess that explains my own perspective.

Maybe just tell her next time that it feels disrespectful to you. Tell her how you want to be addressed. I'll bet she never says it to another customer again.

She didn't seem to get it. Hopefully, after she had a little time to think about it, she understood. I'll bet she never does it again, too. And well she shouldn't. Young women need to understand that they, too, are deserving of equal treatment - both while they are young AND as they age.

I didn't address her as "honey" or "sweetie"...I actually said "yes, ma'am" when she asked a question about the order. That is my way of showing respect to her. She's got a problem if she feels that she needs to call younger males "sir", but can't extend the same respect to women of ANY age. [Again, see my OP.]

Did she have a preference? Just curious.

My grandfather did not like being called "grandpa" or "grandfather" or any of the typical names associated with being a grandparent. All of his grandchildren called him by his first name.

Why be offended that someone didn't know your particular peeve?

Why is an older female referred to as "momma"? Why the disparity?

Yes, that's my peeve.

Have a great rest of your day.

I've never heard it myself but I would not like it one bit, WTF kind of fucking NONSENSE is that? If they want to "show respect", BEHAVE IN A PROFESSIONAL MANNER.

Last edited Fri Feb 27, 2026, 06:29 PM - Edit history (1)

But - maybe we shouldn't be trying to gin up disrespect and offense at every little thing that comes our way. We got plenty of really rude and offensive stuff to wade through in our lives. No need manufacturing more.

And to have our feelings about it discounted feels like gaslighting, even if that's not the way it was intended.

But - nonetheless - thank you for so effortlessly illustrating my 'ease of offense' comment !

Great gaslighting technique ya got there!

The difference being - my feelings are not at all hurt ....

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Filipinas, Latinas, anyone, younger or older, who called me Momma, put a smile on my face.

I simply disagree.

I didn't feel respected and I think I am entitled to be addressed appropriately in a business situation. I don't think they refer to older men as "Daddy" and I don't think I am deserving of any lesser treatment.

Each time the speaker was conveying respect to me.
They did not address all women as Momma, but did not discriminate against young or old.

I'm really curious.

Most often one woman has helped another and she says, "Thank you, Momma."
Again, sorry you are offended. Cultural differences, I think.

I have heard that and been told that in those cultures it is respectful to call older women mama. The mama I got was NOT from someone with any of those cultural backgrounds. She was a woman about 30 working at a restaurant similar to Hooter's--another reason it struck me as so disrespectful. I was just about ready to tell her that my daughters would never work in such a place, but decided that would have been as bad as what she said to me. Anyway, she seemed to have gotten the message from what I did say--I hope it made her consider that not everyone appreciates being called "mama".

Were they snide? How would you know what their particular culture is?
I am actually laughing because I am greatly offended by Repuglycans and don't have excess offense to spend!

But the person who called me mama was not of one of those cultures and yes, it was offensive to me in that case.

I live in Florida, men and women call me Mama. I am 72 years old. This originates from Hispanic culture I believe but has become common throughout. I do not take offense to it though I get your point.

That's my point - do they call the men "daddy"?

In my experience it has been poppi.
In the Hispanic culture both momma, mommi or poppi are terms of endearment or respect for their elders.
My son's children and grandchildren have always called him poppi.

I usually keep asking until I get one. Is that a problem for you?

But I don't think it's appropriate to call an elderly woman a term of endearment in a business setting - especially when the young woman admitted to calling a 40 year old male a "sir", and especially without asking her if she minds.

I see nothing wrong with what you are describing, which is a family situation or social situation.

I have been called momma in many different settings and don't take offence to it. Maybe because I have always lived in diverse communities. Where this term is used often. As a white woman it meant that I was accepted as family in my community.
My take is the young woman did not feel the same solidarity with the male customer as she did with you.
You do have a right to let her know your preference but please don't assume her intent.

You have no way of knowing this about me, but I've got a pretty diverse background myself.

It would not be a compliment to me to think that the young woman felt some sort of solidarity with me when she doesn't see the issue of calling me "momma" and the male "sir". It just makes me think she's unprofessional and probably that, deep down, she's been taught that women need to be complicit and accepting of the fact that males deserve more. But then again, I'm surmising in my interpretation, just as you are in yours.

So, if you're asking ME not to assume her intent - I would ask the same of you because you weren't there. I was.

Have a nice afternoon.

I did not assume anything about you. Just trying to give you a different perspective on why the young woman used that term when she addressed you.
This is a cultural term of endearment not one of disrespect. I have noticed that many young women have adopted this over the last few years. My younger female coworkers have referred to me as momma on many occasions. I can assure you none of these young women would tolerate disrespect of any kind. Many are involved in equal rights and are very politically involved. They are a very diverse group
Different generations have terms that are not meant as disrespect. What seems as disrespect to you may not be to them. You could have simply explained to her why you were offended. Instead you asked a question she didn't understand due to her youth and generational speech terms.

You are right I don't know you and by the same token you don't know me.
I'm a 73 year old white woman who has been involved in equal rights and other causes since the late 60s. So I have been through a lot.

My only point to you was maybe you judged the young woman too harshly.
This was a 20 something, working at a fast food restaurant. Not a podcaster spewing hate.

All I'm saying is maybe you are taking this a little too personally. If you had actually engaged her in a conversation and explained your concerns and she reacted poorly, I might look at it differently.

But coming from the person it came from, it was disrespectful. Maybe she didn't mean it that way, but it was offensive and she and others, especially in the service business should consider that not everyone is going to appreciate their attempts at familiarity. How about just some plain old good manners, thank you, you're welcome, I'm happy to help, etc. You know basic etiquette that shows respect that we all appreciate.

I (62 yo white woman) have been called Mama, Mami, and Mommy by strangers since my hair started going grey in my 30s. It's akin to terms like "honey," "babe," and "sweetie" that have fallen out of favor. I've heard it mostly from Latinos (here in Massachusetts and also in Colorado and Mississippi), and younger black folk, and I feel like it arose through Latino culture (and maybe Afro-Latino culture) from the Spanish mami (mommy), as in this Urban Dictionary definition from 2006:

You'll understand if I feel differently, of course. The harm, in my opinion, is the young woman referenced in my post explaining that she'd call a younger male "sir". Am I not entitled to the same respect?

I feel that I am.

It would mean different things in different contexts, of course, as does the address "mama." Credit us old gals as having been around long enough to know what we find offensive. You needn't live an insular life to have preferences. To each his own, but the world works better when we realize that we are all different and have different sensibilities.

hadn’t heard this before. I totally understand being offended by it. But for me, it’s not as offensive as everything the regime does, and therefore, not worth me getting riled up about. Especially when it’s used as a friendly colloquialism and not as objectifying. But you do you.