Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News Editorials & Other Articles General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

malaise

(279,590 posts)
Sat Jan 4, 2025, 06:23 PM Jan 4

A strange Story

I had a platonic relationship with a nice guy for decades. We both loved cricket. He was divorced. He used to take his young son from his second marriage to matches all over the island and sit with a group of us regulars. We had shared friends. The sad thing is that his two kids live overseas with their own families although both visited him last year. I met his daughter when she was here.
All of us regulars celebrated his birthday at a party he hosted last year.
Sometimes I didn’t see him or hear from him for ages. I knew he had some health issues but he was a former athlete. I last saw him in May a few weeks after his birthday. He stopped by and told me he was going to travel overseas in June for a while.
I hadn’t heard from him since, but in all these decades, he always calls me during the Christmas holidays so I started getting worried two weeks ago.
Yesterday I ran into a mutual friend in a supermarket line and told him I called and can’t find him. He changed color and asked me if I hadn’t heard that he had a massive heart attack days before his planned trip in June and died in July.
I am still in shock. His ashes were taken overseas. How did I not know this? I called another regular and she hadn’t heard either.
This is so unusual for an island this size. Freaking wow is all two of us are saying.

36 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
A strange Story (Original Post) malaise Jan 4 OP
I'm so sorry for your loss malaise. It's so shocking when you livetohike Jan 4 #1
This is a first for me malaise Jan 4 #2
Deepest condolences SheltieLover Jan 4 #3
Thanks - Still can't believe it malaise Jan 4 #4
Sometimes it never does feel real SheltieLover Jan 4 #6
Sorry for your loss Marthe48 Jan 4 #5
Precisely malaise Jan 4 #7
Sad way to start the new year Marthe48 Jan 4 #8
My thought exactly malaise Jan 4 #10
I am so sorry, Malaise. It's difficult to have closure when someone passes like that. Try to Raven Jan 4 #9
Thanks malaise Jan 4 #12
So far, so good. I have some back surgery in my future, but I'm looking forward to that. Raven Jan 4 #14
Recover quickly malaise Jan 4 #15
Sorry for the loss of your friend. Americanme Jan 4 #11
Thanks malaise Jan 4 #13
Hold onto the beautiful memories. Emile Jan 4 #16
Indeed malaise Jan 4 #17
malaise, I am very sorry for the passing of your friend, Usually, I would read in the obituary the passing of loved debm55 Jan 4 #18
The loss hits first then the malaise Jan 5 #21
I'm so sorry, malaise Wicked Blue Jan 4 #19
Thanks malaise Jan 5 #22
Oh, that's extra sad! My condolences, malaise... electric_blue68 Jan 4 #20
It can be even worse for some folks malaise Jan 5 #23
🌺 Donkees Jan 5 #24
Beautiful malaise Jan 5 #25
Very sorry, Malaise. yorkster Jan 5 #26
Losing him is not the problem malaise Jan 5 #29
A sad story indeed. As we age, we first lose our parents then we begin losing friends. surfered Jan 5 #27
I'm pretty good at dealing with the reality of our mortality malaise Jan 5 #30
A sad story indeed. As we age, we first lose our parents then we begin losing friends. surfered Jan 5 #28
Bummer ProfessorGAC Jan 5 #31
Without a doubt because he had early signs malaise Jan 5 #32
Very sorry for your loss. Last Friday I found out an old friend had died on Facebook underpants Jan 5 #33
Deepest sympathy malaise Jan 5 #34
I'm so sorry, Malaise. HeartsCanHope Jan 6 #35
Thank you malaise Jan 6 #36

livetohike

(23,115 posts)
1. I'm so sorry for your loss malaise. It's so shocking when you
Sat Jan 4, 2025, 06:31 PM
Jan 4

learn that someone passed months ago. No chance to say goodbye. My husband had something similar happen. A cousin’s husband died and no one let him know. When we finally heard the news, a month had passed. The other cousins assumed one of them had called.

malaise

(279,590 posts)
2. This is a first for me
Sat Jan 4, 2025, 06:35 PM
Jan 4

I’ve heard about this happening to other people. That’s the thing - everyone assumes someone else has told you.

SheltieLover

(60,797 posts)
6. Sometimes it never does feel real
Sat Jan 4, 2025, 06:56 PM
Jan 4

Speaking from experience.

Healing energy on the way to you.

Please do good self care & be very gentle with yourself.

Grief is hard work physically, too, so pls just rest when you need to.

May you come to smile when you recall memories of your precious friend.

Marthe48

(19,620 posts)
5. Sorry for your loss
Sat Jan 4, 2025, 06:53 PM
Jan 4

I had a similar situation this year. I knew someone had passed away. When another person on facebook wished them happy birthday, months I shared the bad news. They didn't know and were shocked and saddened. Never easy. With social media and all of the other methods of communication, you'd think everyone would be aware.

malaise

(279,590 posts)
7. Precisely
Sat Jan 4, 2025, 06:56 PM
Jan 4

Everyone assumes someone else told you. If his children lived here I’d have known

Raven

(14,154 posts)
9. I am so sorry, Malaise. It's difficult to have closure when someone passes like that. Try to
Sat Jan 4, 2025, 07:39 PM
Jan 4

keep the good memories in the front of your mind. He would have wanted you to.

Raven

(14,154 posts)
14. So far, so good. I have some back surgery in my future, but I'm looking forward to that.
Sat Jan 4, 2025, 07:46 PM
Jan 4

debm55

(40,010 posts)
18. malaise, I am very sorry for the passing of your friend, Usually, I would read in the obituary the passing of loved
Sat Jan 4, 2025, 08:55 PM
Jan 4

friends, A teacher I mentored early in her teaching career died last December from an attack of asthma. I found out by accident. by a fellow teacher. I was shocked but also angry that not one of the teachers called me, Sally's body was donated to medical research. I never got to say good by. And to talk to her husband and children that I taught. It still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. To you.malaise

malaise

(279,590 posts)
21. The loss hits first then the
Sun Jan 5, 2025, 06:44 AM
Jan 5

how did I not hear about this. He was so kind, caring and funny. Sorry about the loss of your student teacher as well.

electric_blue68

(19,224 posts)
20. Oh, that's extra sad! My condolences, malaise...
Sat Jan 4, 2025, 09:20 PM
Jan 4

Imho, losing a good friend especially a long time one; can be as hard as a family member.

malaise

(279,590 posts)
23. It can be even worse for some folks
Sun Jan 5, 2025, 06:57 AM
Jan 5

friend We have family photos that include two of our childhood friends, our dogs and theirs. My parents, one grandmother and two aunts are in those photos. The old folks are all gone but we (the new old folks) are still like family.

yorkster

(2,586 posts)
26. Very sorry, Malaise.
Sun Jan 5, 2025, 11:14 AM
Jan 5

It is harder to deal with when news comes out of the blue, so to speak. If you know of someone's possible health problems, you're at least aware of the possible outcomes.
The shock of suddenly hearing about a dear one's unexpected passing only adds to the sadness 😔.

Take care of yourself.

malaise

(279,590 posts)
29. Losing him is not the problem
Sun Jan 5, 2025, 11:37 AM
Jan 5

Not knowing that he died over five months ago is what hurts. How did I not hear this.
Maybe it’s because all of us are now retirees - many with their own health issues; maybe the fact that he lived alone and his kids are overseas. The thing is that if he hadn’t told me he was going on a trip in June I would have gone to his place months ago to look for him but that makes no sense because he travelled often.

surfered

(4,148 posts)
27. A sad story indeed. As we age, we first lose our parents then we begin losing friends.
Sun Jan 5, 2025, 11:31 AM
Jan 5

But they live on in our memories.

malaise

(279,590 posts)
30. I'm pretty good at dealing with the reality of our mortality
Sun Jan 5, 2025, 11:41 AM
Jan 5

I’mmjust coming to terms with the reality of not knowing that he died so many months ago. It was a serious WTF did you just say moment.

surfered

(4,148 posts)
28. A sad story indeed. As we age, we first lose our parents then we begin losing friends.
Sun Jan 5, 2025, 11:34 AM
Jan 5

But they live on in our memories.

ProfessorGAC

(71,052 posts)
31. Bummer
Sun Jan 5, 2025, 11:56 AM
Jan 5

Maybe going without warning is a positive. I don't know.
My dad lingered a year. My mom died in a matter of a few hours.
Take care & our condolences.

malaise

(279,590 posts)
32. Without a doubt because he had early signs
Sun Jan 5, 2025, 11:59 AM
Jan 5

of even more serious issues. I am glad for him.

underpants

(187,775 posts)
33. Very sorry for your loss. Last Friday I found out an old friend had died on Facebook
Sun Jan 5, 2025, 12:04 PM
Jan 5

Good friend of my wife’s. She’d been in our wedding.

Latest Discussions»The DU Lounge»A strange Story