Spurious News: Experimental SpaceX data center boils small Texas lake!

SAN ANGELO, TEXAS (Spurious News Network) -- "Our new data center is the first of its kind anywhere in the world," said SpaceX CEO Elon Musk at the opening ceremony for SpaceX's xAI Submerged Data Center, which is located at the bottom of this thriving West Texas city's Lake Nasworthy - the city's water source and a popular spot for catfish and bass fishing. "We won't have to worry about the excessive cooling water use all other data centers are faced with because this data center is 25 feet underwater and the waterproof computers in it are submerged in the water. If this data center works the way we know it will, we'll create ones just like it all over the world."

Mr. Musk, San Angelo Mayor Tom Thompson, and Goodfellow Air Force Base commander Colonel Matthew A. Norton then pulled a massive ceremonial switch. Power flowed through waterproofed, foot-thick cables into the huge facility.

Three minutes later steam began to rise from the middle of the lake and bubbles rose from the area of the data center as the lake started to boil.

Mayor Thompson was amazed. "I've got an induction range that I thought boiled water faster than anything I've ever seen, but that data center makes my stove look weak. We're not talking about just a few bubbles either - this was a making-spaghetti level of boil. Since people need their tap water to be cold, I had the power to the data center turned off the second the boiling started."

Colonel Norton was petrified. "You can't be supplying boiling water to people over regular pipes. It'll kill anyone who tries to shower in it or drink it. I run the Defense Department firefighting school at my base on the edge of town, and if I have my trainees try fighting practice fires with this water all of them will wind up in the hospital with third-degree burns. There's also a really nice fishery in Lake Nasworthy - or there was, I'd imagine all the fish are dead now. No, they need to pull this out of the lake right now and really think about the world they're trying to leave behind."

Mr. Musk immediately changed his marketing plans. "Because these computers heat water so well, we're going to take all of them out of the data center, put them in 40-gallon tanks and sell them as water heaters. It'll be great. You'll make money having hot water instead of it costing you."