Spurious News: Fifteenth point in Iraq-US ceasefire agreement revealed!

TEHRAN, IRAN (Spurious News Network) -- The agreement to end the war between the United States and Iran, which was started by King Donald Trump for reasons no one's quite sure of, officially contains fourteen points.

It turns out there's another.

"The fifteenth point is designed to ensure the person who started this war, President Donald Trump of the United States, gets what's coming to him," said Amin Hossein Rahimi, Minister of Justice of the Islamic Republic of Iran. "He must pay for starting this war without justification, and Point 15 ensures that he will."

Point 15 requires the Congress of the United States to remove Trump by impeachment and deliver him, in a United States Air Force cargo jet, to the police station at Tehran's Imam Khomeini International Airport within fifteen days of the signing of the agreement. "At that point he will receive what's coming to him," said Minister Rahimi.

When asked if that means Trump will be tried for the many crimes he committed in this war and executed for them, Minister Rahimi shook his head. "Oh no, no, no ma'am, he does not get off that easy. We're going to hand him the keys to a Caterpillar 966 wheel loader and make him clean up the fucking mess he made of our once-beautiful nation."

Minister Rahimi assures Spurious News Network that Trump will indeed receive the best of care. "The Cat 966 has an enclosed, air conditioned cab so he won't get hot or sunburned. He will be housed in a comfortable apartment - nothing like what he's used to, I assure you, but perfectly fine. He'll be fed well with our most delicious traditional meals. Our fleet of Cat 966 loaders have water coolers mounted in the cab so he can stay hydrated, and we have a fleet of dump trucks that will follow him wherever he goes to work. Expert Iranian service technicians will maintain and refuel his loader. We won't even make him embrace Islam or learn the Farsi language; Iranian citizens who speak both Farsi and English will accompany him at all times. But he's going to work from sunrise to sunset fixing what he destroyed, and there will be no reprieve."