Just Another Day

“Until we stop harming all other living beings, we are still savages.” – Thomas Jefferson

Years ago, I took a course on Alternatives to Violence, a Quaker program initially focused on teaching skills to the inmate population. Later, as it expanded, some of the Onondaga Clan Mothers would meet with the Quakers, and add to the program. In many ways, it is similar to the Iroquois' “Power of the Good Mind” from the teachings of Ayenwatha, who is also known as Hiawatha. (The real human being, not the character of Longfellow's poem.)

When I worked in Delaware County, I would use this in dealing with cases involving domestic abuse of all types. Then, in Chenago County, I used them in both jail and domestic abuse groups, with men and women. And I used it as part of a twenty-week course combining mental health, substance abuse/addiction/social services, for parents at risk of losing all custody rights. Some found benefit in it, others didn't.

There are some concepts that are important to put into practice. One has to recognize that others have different life experiences, and thus can view things differently, and hold different opinions. To recognize that the other person/people have the ability to be honest and tell the truth. To be non-confrontational, and speak in a conversational tone. To never be so foolish as to claim the ability to tell another what they are thinking. To focus on the issue at hand.

Now, these things are practiced in lots and lots of homes across this great country. They tend to be skills that parents model for their children, and thus are handed down in generations. But there are people who did not grow up in such homes, who lack these skills, and thus are unable to teach what they don't know. It becomes generation upon generation. (It's important to note that children raised in such a home can and frequently do recognize that violence is not a swell way to deal with disagreements.)

There are certain behaviors that are discouraged. One cannot make threats of any kind either before or after attempts to negotiate a solution to the problem. That obviously includes internet threats intended to intimidate the other into a total surrender to your will. On the local, micro-level, that results in having a judge decide which way the wind blows. That judge will read the reports from agencies, and listen to testimony from a range of people that includes the authors of those reports.

In other contexts that include harsh disagreements, a couple may use the services known as “marriage counseling.” Properly done, this includes someone trained in this field serving to guide the way to a resolution. In international disputes, that might be someone from a third country. This, of course, requires that the involved parties trust that person.

Now, in a dispute that may be headed to court, or is in court, both sides have the right to be represented by an attorney. Someone educated in the law, who passed the bar test. While, say, a great auto mechanic might be a witness, they can't represent someone else in court. Likewise, in international disputes, during negotiations, each country is represented by diplomats, who are trained in that specific field. Up until this administration, a couple of real estate billionaires who are not part of the administration or approved by the Senate, wholly intent upon accessing real estate deals to enrich themselves, would never have been tasked as diplomats.

We wouldn't consider the selection of someone who wants to build a McDonald's in Gaza, or a dollar store in the West Bank, to be a wonderful way to represent our country. Or someone as crooked as, say, Mr. Haney from Green Acres, because there cannot be trust when it comes to slime balls. Such a thing could only happen if one is not really serious about resolving a dispute.