White House announces J.D. Vance availability for YOUR special event, includes funerals and domestic disuptes. /s

Starting TODAY, you can hire Vice President J.D. Vance for your special event.

Rates starting at $1 Million per visit, but negotiable down to

•  $40 if you keep your driveway completely clear when he arrives.
• $20 and WE get to block your driveway when he arrives.
• $1.98 if you supply unlimited tacos. (not AI tacos, please)



• $2 Million if he brings his Dad with him.



• $3 Million if you have a picture of Pope Leo on the wall.



• -$100. if you have a hot widow on board. (we pay you)



• -$500 if you have Three Stooges DVD's to entertain him. (we pay you)




NOTE! There will be a $5000.00 cover charge for Vance bringing the Holy Hand Grenade with him to your event.
"Just in case" there are atheists in the neighborhood.



SPECIAL REMINDER!!
You must have a $20 Million fire, theft and liability insurance with zero deductible in case anyone gets ill from during Vance's visit.



OH! and have plenty of snack food on hand.
HE'LL BE HUNGARY WHEN HE ARRIVES.