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Zorro

(18,345 posts)
Thu Dec 11, 2025, 08:04 PM Dec 11

Hegseth Seizes Scottish Tanker Carrying Whiskey

ABERDEEN, SCOTLAND (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that sent liquor prices soaring on global markets, on Thursday Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth ordered the seizure of a Sottish tanker carrying single-malt whiskey.

“Despite my repeated demands, the tanker refused to deliver its cargo to me,” Hegseth said. “You can ask anyone who knows me: Pete Hegseth will not be cut off.”

Hegseth, who ordered the seizure via a late-night Signal text riddled with typos, said he hoped his action would deter other shippers who dare to threaten his alcohol supply.

“The seizure of this tanker sends a clear message,” he said. “If anything is going to be loaded with whiskey, it’s me.”

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/hegseth-seizes-scottish-tanker-carrying

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Hegseth Seizes Scottish Tanker Carrying Whiskey (Original Post) Zorro Dec 11 OP
Borowitz always cracks me up surfered Dec 11 #1
Seal Team 21 raided the ship and each member got a case of Jack Daniels! Jacson6 Dec 11 #2
Not Glenlivet? soldierant Dec 11 #4
Funny! rubbersole Dec 11 #3
Been done canetoad Dec 11 #5
"Several thousand cases of whiskey..." rubbersole Dec 11 #6
And that was based on a real life wreck muriel_volestrangler Dec 12 #8
Tsk. WHISKY. Emrys Dec 12 #7
First laugh outside of the Lounge in ages Marthe48 Dec 12 #9

rubbersole

(10,991 posts)
3. Funny!
Thu Dec 11, 2025, 11:11 PM
Dec 11

It isn't past the realm of possibility. Pete isn't as crazy as Bobby Jr. If there was such a thing as a tanker full of single malt, he's drunk enough on power to wonder if it would be possible.

muriel_volestrangler

(105,567 posts)
8. And that was based on a real life wreck
Fri Dec 12, 2025, 05:58 AM
Dec 12
SS Politician was a cargo ship that ran aground off the coast of the Hebridean island of Eriskay in 1941. Her cargo included 22,000 cases of scotch whisky and £3 million worth of Jamaican banknotes. Much of the whisky was recovered by islanders from across the Hebrides, contrary to marine salvage laws. Because no duty had been paid on the whisky, members of HM Customs and Excise pursued and prosecuted those who had removed the cargo.
...
During the Second World War Politician participated in the Atlantic convoys between the UK and US. In February 1941 she was on her way to the north of Scotland, where she ran aground while attempting to rendezvous with a convoy. No-one was badly injured or killed in the accident.

The local islanders continually visited the wreck of Politician to unload whisky, even though it was in a hold filled with marine engine oil and seawater. Customs men undertook raids, arresting many and seizing the boats of those suspected of taking part. The excise authorities pushed for charges under the punitive customs legislation, but the authorities charged those arrested with theft. Many were found not guilty or not proven, and several were fined; 19 were incarcerated at Inverness Prison for terms ranging between 20 days and two months. Salvors were used to rescue as much of the ship as they could, and the whisky they raised was shipped back to its bonded warehouses; this was also looted during its journey. Two salvage crews removed much of the cargo, and the second crew raised the wreck off the seabed. Part of the ship's hold, and her stern, were cut away and sank to the bottom of Eriskay Sound; the remainder of the hold was destroyed with gelignite to prevent further looting.

A few of the Jamaican banknotes from Politician were presented at banks in Britain, Jamaica and other countries. As a result, in 1952 the blue ten-shilling notes were withdrawn and replaced with notes of the same design, printed in purple. Bottles of whisky have been raised from the seabed by divers, and some have been found in hiding places on Eriskay; these have been auctioned. The story of the wreck and looting was the basis for the book Whisky Galore; an adaptation was released as a film in 1949 and a remake in 2016.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SS_Politician

The 'SS Politician' became the 'SS Cabinet Minister' in the book and film.
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