Hegseth Furious That Confirmation Hearing Conflicts with Happy Hour

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the situation “an outrageous disgrace,” on Tuesday Pete Hegseth accused Democratic senators of prolonging his confirmation hearing to make it conflict with happy hour.

“This hearing is nothing but a coordinated left-wing campaign to keep me from ordering my first round,” the former “Fox & Friends” host charged.

“I shouldn’t even be here,” he said. “My ass should be on my favorite stool at Clancy’s Pump House.”

Expressing his eagerness to become Secretary of Defense, Hegseth declared, “When you’re the most powerful military in the world, it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere.”

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/hegseth-furious-that-confirmation